What's More Important...

What is this world coming to... I wonder how long will it be before God returns... there's so many crazy things going on in the world that I don't see why He has come already... I'm grateful He hasn't come yet, because I know for myself I'm not ready but I need to prepare myself cause I know His return isn't to far...

this year I've read about so many different ppl dying that I one point during this summer it become an expected thing for some celebrity or some public figure to pass away... it was crazy, jus about every other day the news, papers and the tv stations were talking about someone else who passed away, either from a disease or jus having their lives taken away by someone else... but this blog isn't going to go into all that... I'm jus thinking bout what's been going recently with athletes these days and how we as a society view the things they do and get away with...

Earlier this spring we had Donte Stallworth an NFL player who after a night out on the town and after a few drinks runs over and kills a man... is found guilty of driving under the influence and marijuana in his system but is only given 30 days in jail(he only served 24 days of that) and pays the family of the person he killed an X amount of money to settle out of court...

Before that you had Mike Vick who two years ago was found guilty for funding a dog fighting operation in Virginia where many dogs were found dead and ravaged... he ends up spending 18mnths in jail and loses his right to play football for 2yrs...

And finally you have Plaxico Burress who shoots himself in the leg because his gun accidently goes off while he's walking up there stairs(apparently he tripped gun was in his pants he went to grab and somehow pulled on the trigger) and is found guilty of illegal gun possession and given 2years in jail...

After observing these three case it doesn't make sense to me... its as if what Stallworth did was less important then what the other two did... even though he actually took someone else's life... where's the value and importance here... are we as a society say hey its okay of you kill someone as long as you've got money to settle the case then your good... are we saying its okay to run over someone and take a human life but to shoot yourself with an illegal gun is frowned upon... are dogs lives more important then a person's life...

There's so many questions that can be asked about all three situations but its a sad thing to see that our court system is all jacked up... I wonder what would they have down back in Jesus' time... I bet Stallworth gets hung on the cross unless he's got money and can pay off the family as well... I bet Vick continues to fund the dog fighting considering ppl back then would also consider it a sport(seeing has they had human fighting each other and fighting the likes of lions to stay alive in the Coliseums)... and I bet Plaxico is jus looked upon as an idiot for shooting himself with his bow and arrow...

I wonder what God has to say about all this... I'm hoping one day I'll get to ask Him... but I gotta get to working on making sure I'm around to see Him so I can ask...

Taking Care of Mine...

So in the last blog I told you how I officially felt like a dead beat... but I'm making and have already made some amends... while I was in Miami I def hung out with my god-daughter and like I had stated before there were up and down moments but for the most part mostly up... i was able to take her out to eat, chilled at the mall and took her to Chuckie Cheeses... it had been some years since I had last been there... spent a lot of money on her while there and got her some stuff for her to go to school with, some new Jordan's that she really liked and wanted... so I was happy to have been able to put a smile on her face... and I'm making it my thing to visit her as much as I can... I refuse to let another 7 years or even 2 yrs go by without seeing her... so far since I've been back home, I've probably spoken to her more times then i did previously... so imma make sure I take care of mine... being a god-parent isn't a joke its an important job and I'm grateful to have 3 god-kids in such a very short time frame, so imma make sure I take the responsibility for what it is and do my part... because that feeling that I felt that day isn't a feeling I want to experience ever again... imma make sure to take care of mine and you can quote me on that...

I'm A Dead-Beat...

So I've been a bad godfather... to my first godchild... I've been so absent in her life... and I should know better then this... she was the main reason behind my trip to Miami... it was literally 7 years since I last saw her... which was when she was jus few months old and being dedicated at her church I flew down to be there... ever since then I can tell you how many times I've spoken to her... and it sucks that I've really been this absent in her life... the night she was born I was called by my cousin and told that I'd be the godfather but he decided to give me another honor he asked me to name her... right then and there... so I gave her the name Mickayla... a called a few times before to check up on her and see how she was doing... but as a result of failed connections with my fathers family and my pride because they didn't really keep in contact and expected me to always call them... I forgot about her in the process... so earlier this year she decided to take it upon herself and asked her father if she could call me... of course upon seeing my cousins number on my cell phone I decided not to answer because we had fall apart and cause my dude talks a lot... so I didn't want to play catch-up with him at that moment... but she called 3 times and left 3 messages... stating she loved and missed me... and upon hearing each one those voice-mails, it got to me... here I had a goddaughter who doesn't even remember meeting me and who only has a few pictures that show her that I've actually met her and how I looked like... so I made it a point to take this vacation jus to spend sometime with her...  I'm upset with myself for allowing this to happen... I've missed so many birthdays already... so many other events in these short 7 years... so I decided to surprise her I didn't tell her I was coming... the day I flew in I made a point to go see her... her father didn't tell her anything jus told her he was bring home a surprise... as we arrived, she sees me but of course she's got no idea who I am... she asks her dad "who is this" and he replies, "this is your godfather" and I see her jaw drop... she surprised and shock... I don't think she expected to see me ever!... for the whole evening she remains surprised and becomes shy... she doesn't say much to me, she jus looks at me and ask me questions through her dad... he tells her to speak to me directly but she still can't believe I'm actually there in the flesh... during my two week stay we have our ups and downs as far how she reacts to me... some days were good others days jus okay and one bad day were she completely ignored me... nothing I could do or say could get her to come near me or say anything to me... it was on that specific day in which I struggled to get her to speak to me that I realized and saw how it felt to have an absent living father in a child's life... I officially felt like a DEAD-BEAT!...

A Cool Daddy-O...

Cool (adj)- marked by calm self-control(especially in trying circumstances) also fashionable and attractive at the time...

He was born in the mid 1950's... in the beautiful island of Haiti... he was the 2nd born and 1st male son... has grew he became his parents favorite... he was a go getter and was poised to make something of himself... he was a leader and did things at the beat of his own drum... he grew into his own... and was well known and thought of by those around him in all facets of his life... he was a people person ready to carry a conversation with jus about anyone, his personality was cool, he was calm, level-headed and jus laid back... his smile warmed your heart whenever he flashed it... there was jus something bout him that everyone seemed to like... he was always ready and willing to help those in need, didn't even matter who you were he was there to lend a helping hand... he was very fashionable and a site for single females looking to be his main squeeze... he had a way about him that people jus couldn't put their finger one... they could never figure it out, all that was certain was that he was a good dude... a cool dude and they enjoyed being around him... he wasn't the smartest guy but he worked hard and he had a passion about him whenever he put his mind to what it was that he was doing... around his neighborhood he was that dude, that dude that could get you whatever you needed... he loved his family and he loved people all together... whatever he could do for a family member he would do it... didn't matter how old or young, he was there for each... his only nephew looked up to him, copied his every move... his younger brother did like wise... both trying to be who he was... that cool dude that had that natural charism... it was his gift and it came natural to him... sadly his life was cut short(too short if you ask me)... at the young age of 28 he passed away, leaving behind a beautiful wife and a young son... a neighborhood back in his country land to mourn his presence... parents who till this day wonder what could have been if their son had lived passed those 28 years of life... brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces and other family members to wonder how their lives could have been much, much different had he still been around... but only God knows why this cool dude only lived for this short while... and someday I hope to ask Him WHY as well!... till then I too at times wonder jus like everyone else "what if"... but at least they got to experience that coolness and see that charism at work... as I've gotten older I've heard so many wonderful stories about people who came cross him and always hear the same thing each time... how much of a cool, nice and good man he was... how he loved them or what he did for them... how he was a great husband, brother, uncle, and friend... the more stories I hear the more I realized that I have so many of his qualities... his smile, his look, his persona, his charisma, his passion for life, his love for his wife, his love for family and his love and loyalty to friends... I jus wish I can leave such a lasting impression as he has with everyone that was cool with him... its been almost 26 yrs since his passing and yet he's still remembered as if he was still here... his family still cries for him and still wonder what if... when they see me they cry tears of sadness and tears of joy... sadness because of how much I resemble him and how much they remember him... and tears of joy because he still lives on through me... the smile I have they see has his, the charisma he had they see it, they even see the walk he used to have... Its my hope as I continue to learn more about him to carry on his name with pride and joy... and to know that I've got a standard to live up to... I may never reach it but I hope to always embody his love and caring spirit that he had for those around him... he was definitely a cool dude... and I'm proud to say that he was my father! A COOL DADDY-O!...

Exits To Your Right & Left...

I'm on flight from Miami to Boston but of course flying with Delta usually means you're gonna make a stop somewhere... so were gonna make a quick stop to Atlanta... has I'm boarding the flight the flight attendant tells me you're in an exit row... I think to myself ight whatever... exit row jus means I'm closer towards the exit that's it... its not til the attendant goes over the safety instructions and ask my row if we understand that were in a exit row and that if anything were to happen would we be willing to help everyone else get off the plane not jus ourselves... half the row said yea and the rest of didn't say anything at all... another passenger behind us said... I hope they'd help us get off the plane... it was til then that I realized the importance of being in the exit row... you basically have to save your life but also try and save as many other ppl as you can... what a task given the actual survival rate of passengers on plane crashes... but it got me thinking... would I risk my life someone else... would I risk death to ensure that someone else also was kept alive... and my honest is yes, I would risk my life for someone else... wouldn't matter if it was someone I know or a total stranger... I'm not saying I'd take a bullet for a stranger but if they were in harms way I'd actually try and push them out the way or yell to them as tell them to watch out... but for a family member or a friend I'd do it in a heart beat... my reasoning for risking my life someone else, is because I would hope that they to would risk their life for me... but I know there are a lot of selfish ppl out there and they might not do the same for me but its still a risk that I'd take in trying to save them... my question to you is... would you risk your life to save someone else?...

Not My Duty...

So as my previous blog stated I finally met my fathers side of the family when I was 17... but as the years have gone by its still as if I never met them... the first 3 to 4 years we kept it in touch...I called them they called me... they had me walk in one of their weddings, my cousin named me the godfather of his first born... this were ok... not perfect but it was ight... but of course has the years pass people and things change... its now about 9 years since I've met them and things are almost as if I've never met them... If I don't call them they won't call me... I can go months without hearing from them... sometimes years without hearing from quite a few of them... guess it doesn't help that I also haven't been to Miami in 6 years... but I've continued to live my life as if its nothing serious... because I made it this far without them... so why should it bother me if things are as they are.... I'm never asked them for anything nor do I care to... it sucks that I feel this way but it is what it is... I feel if they really want to be involved in my life then they should make the effort to reach out to me... I'm their brother's son... they've missed out on some important things in my life and its okay it happens for some strange reason it took 17 years for them to finally find me... it sucks that I know they could have found me sooner, seeing that my fathers younger brother knew of me and knew that I was left back in Boston... but for some reason still unknown to me, decided he was never going to say anything... when asked he'd never respond to their questions and give them the answers they were seeking... if it had not been for a long time friend of my dad that so happened to have came across them randomly did they finally know of my existence and whereabouts... but it bothers me that this said brother never spoke up... I'm told all the time that if roles were reversed and it had been him who had passed away that my father would have been there for his only son... so my questions is why would he pretend I never existed... was he jealous, was he upset of the circumstances or did he jus not care... these are questions that I will never know the answers to... but in meeting them again  over this time... I've told myself that I'm going to make more of an effort to keep in touch... going make more of an effort to come back to Miami and not allow another 6 or 7 years go by without returning... especially since I've got a goddaughter who has felt the effects of me not really keeping in contact with the family... so I'm going to do my part, hopefully they do theirs and everything works for the best... I'm still learning who they are and their still trying learn and figure me out... its gonna be a process, it won't happen over night but I'm willing to do my part and make an effort... its become important to me... they are my family and I should be willing to embrace them no matter how long it took and no matter if they live some distance away... I wish and hope things become better I'm not asking for the their undivided attention nor am I looking for anything for the years lost... jus looking to know and learn more of who my father was as a person and who his family is...  everything will be ight... God knows why things were and are what they are...

We Finally Meet...

So while I've been down here in Miami most of my thoughts have centered around my family and how things were and have become... So the next few post will focus on jus these thoughts....

As 17yrs went by all I knew was that of my moms side of the family... as far as my fathers side... all I knew was that my father passed away didn't know much about his family at all... all I knew was that he had a younger brother that used to live in Boston... after his death whatever ever happened to that brother was def unknown to me... so all I knew was my moms side of the family... never gave a thought to my fathers side... life was fine as is... no hard feelings not regrets... such is life... so high school graduation has come and gone... I'm college bound...I'm turning 18 in the fall I jus came from a month long trip from France and I waiting for my trip to Florida to finish off the summer before I head to school...  as I'm getting ready for my first ever trip to Miami I get a call a few days before... "hi my name is such and such and I'm the nephew of your deceased husband"... thoughts run through my mind... what, who, where, when, how, why now!... now I don't get it... why now... how'd you find me, when did you know, where were ya'll, who are you, what's going on... imagine going 17 years and never really know that you've got family members on your other side of the family and out of no where they show up... wanting to be part of your life... but even more crazy is the irony in the fact that your days away from going down to the exact area that they reside in... how weird/crazy is that... but through the questions I'm excited but nervous... and questions jus continue to fill my head the whole time before I meet them... how many of them are there, how do they look, is it really them, is this really happening now... and again and again why now!... after so many years why now!... the day comes, I'm picked up by my cousin he gives me a big hug, introduces himself and I see a tear come down his face I'm left standing their jus smiling... he tells me my dad was his favorite uncle and that my dad took him everywhere... was like a father to him!... he brings me to his moms house my aunt my fathers older sister... has I get out of the car I see that people run back inside... and I see a flock of ppl come back out smiles across the board... I'm hugged and touched I'm grab this way and that way... I hear cries continuous cries... I see tears of sadness and tears of joy... I'm left sitting smiling not sure how to really feel... their feelings are much different from mine... I'm left to wonder what's going on in their heads... I can't even imagine... only because the person their crying for I never got a chance to really meet, to really know... deep down I'm happy to meet them... a play with my cousins... most of whom are older or very littler compared to me... but being a kid at heart I play with the little ones... they watch my every move, my interactions and they continue to smile... I felt like the lost son come home after so many years of being lost... they've now found me!...

Hola From Miami...

So I've been on vacation in Miami, for the past ten days... I've been enjoying myself... Got to relax in the heat which I normally hate but this time around down here has been really pleasant to me... Normally my allergies always act up but for the first time I've come down here and I haven't been bothered by them at all... Thnk goodness! But I'm really enjoying my trip, it's always good to relax and not worry bout work or other things that I know will be waiting for me when I get home... But I'll deal with those things when I get back to Boston... For the first time I've also decided that maybe Miami isn't bad and I could actually see myself living here with no qualms... I guess maybe it's because I've been able to go out more and actually drive myself around and see the city for itself... I've got alot of family down here... My moms sister lives here and I'm real close to her and her kids also all of my dads family that I met about 9 years ago are all basically here as well... So I've got to see alot of ppl, including a few of my cousins who are visiting from France who are in the states for the first time ever... It's been fun hanging with them and deciphering what they've been saying considering they don't speak english and I don't speak much if any French lol so it's been fun, buggin out and getting to know them... But my main reason to come down here was to spend some time with my goddaughter who I had not seen since she was a few mnths old she's going to be 8 come the end of this year so it's been about 7 years since I last saw her... Man she's grown... She's smart and doing her thing... I'm very glad I was able to come down and here... This has been a fun, relaxed filled vaca... I don't really wanna go back home but it's a must... Glad I got to enjoy a bit of my summer with some heat and relaxing on the beach... But I do miss my own bed so I can't wait to go back to that lol... Once again hola from Miami... ;-)

We're Being Tested...

"Character is both developed and revealed by tests, and all of life is a test. You are always being tested. God constantly watches your response to people, problems, success, conflict, illness, disappointment, and even the weather! He even watches the simplest actions such as when you open a door for others, when you pick up a piece of trash or when you're polite toward a clerk or waitress".

Read this one time in a book that I was reading and it stuck with me... can you imagine how many different test we are given on a daily basis... how many test we fail and how few of them we pass... yet each day were allowed to go through different test again... sometimes we are even given the same test daily, weekly, jus over and over again and we fail each time... how long would it take for us to finally realize that were being tested, so that we could finally try and pass the test... I know myself, I fail daily... each day is a struggle, but I'm grateful that God gives me another chance... even though I take it for granted I really am grateful and I believe He sees that in my heart that I'm trying and that I'm working at changing things in my life... I know I can't do it on my own but with Him anything is possible... He'll always be there to guide and pick me up when I fall no matter how many times I fall...

Imagine how you/I react to when it rains... how upset or unhappy we are that its raining but God knows why He brings on the rain... we may not understand but He sure does...  think about how quick we were to react towards our parents when they came at us about something and we lashed out at them... I wonder how God feels when He sees us react to them this way... we must remember the devil does not see our thoughts but he feeds off our reactions and feelings so he uses those things against us... when were fighting against ourselves over a temptation or a thought were usually fighting our conscience... we need to try harder to over come the battle with self and start seeing the bigger picture... all we have to do is realize that we aren't in this allow and that we do have someone that can handle it all for us... without giving it as much as a thought, He's already got us... so remember that your being tested... maybe even while your reading this... you jus never know when the next test will be given... so always be ready!

I'm Drained...

Written for your amusement pleasure... Imma be fine jus need to get to the weekend ;-)...

What a week... is it finally over... this has been a long long long week... jus from Saturday I should have guessed it was going to be one of those weeks... Saturday night ended up going to the movies with two friends and an unlikely person... got into with the unlikely one... ended up hurting her feelings... tried to be nice bout it but she was persistent on being in myspace when I asked her to jus back off and let me be... so I had to bring out RICARDO(my asshole side)... she cried and whatnot... but it could have been a lot worse... I was being NICE...  she got more of Rick then of Ricardo...

Sunday was a great day... went to my cousins wedding on the beach... and it was jus beautiful... beautiful couple, beautiful setting, jus simply beautiful... made me wish I was getting married... soon enough lol... came home took at nap and I was messed up for the whole day after that... everything jus seemed out of whack after that... woke up from my nap feeling extremely fatigued and out of it ... had nothing to do because it jus so happened to be the one weekend when everyone decided to do their own thing and forget to include me(it happens)... so I was stuck home with no tv and no laptop... so I started roaming around the house pulling my hair out... so I decided to kill the rest of the night chilling with my cousin and his fam... he saved me from a night of boredom...

Monday I woke up at 7 to bring moms to get her car serviced... place didn't open til 8 but she wanted to be the first person there(not happy bout that)... got back home around 8 went straight to bed... and knocked out till about 1:30... but my ass was still tired so I went right back to sleep to finally wake up 330 and get my butt ready for work... go to work and was not feeling the idea of being there... had to teach my class at 7 and I swear I thought I was gonna pass out... I felt light head, hot, and jus out of it... but I was able to pull through and finish the class(no one noticed that I was half out of it)... went home only to have to go work a few hours after leaving the gym...

Tuesday the day that jus effed me up... didn't fall asleep till 3:30am and I had to be up at 6 but that didn't happen ended up waking up and hr later... had a training that was scheduled for 8:30 all the way in Charlestown... so I got on the road at 7:30 and I wish I never did... because I didn't get there til 9:30 I was stuck in traffic for two damn hrs driving stick shift never the less and tried to call my job to get out of going but they insisted that I go regardless of the time I got there... by the time I got there my back was killing me, I was hungry, tired and had to deal with a nagging headache that I was now dealing with for two days in a row... so thankfully they allowed me into the training(wish they hadn't jus so I can go home n sleep)... throughout the whole training I thought I was gonna bang my forehead on the table for the many times my head kept bobbin up and down like a bobble head doll... teacher called me out once to make sure I was gonna survive... the training was so boring... and pointless seeing that I covered everything they went over in all 4yrs of college and 6mnts of PT certification... so I aced the test they gave at the end and left Charlestown at 4 only to still have to go work from 5 to 9 in Dorchester... so I had the pleasure of spending another back wrenching hour stuck in traffic(did I mention I was driving a stick)...  finally got to work jus in time and I swear those 4hrs felt like 8... the clock would not move... lucky for me a few clients cancelled on me so I didn't have to see to many ppl(would have felt because I wasn't myself)... came home and jus knocked out got up and went to work where I proceeded to knock out again right when I got there...

Wednesday woke up at 7am, got home at 8:30 and knocked out again... didn't wake up till about... I really couldn't tell you the last time I've actually slept this much... went to work again and was in no mood to do bootcamp with my clients but I was able to teach it to their liking... left work at 9 got to my car found some stuff left by a stalker(read the blog below)... went home and jus chilled b4 returning back to work...

Today has been a pleasant rest day... but my eyes are still puffed up... I still have no appetite... all week I've eaten the equivalent of what I would have eating for a day... my appetite jus hasn't been here for some reason... my head hurts and body fills like it doesn't want to do anything... I this point I jus want the week to end... I'm tired... its not often I say it but I'm tired... looking forward to my much needed vacation... 10 days and counting... I can almost see it ;-)

Bet you guys wouldn't know I was drained if I didn't tell you... Come Saturday I'll be back to my usuall self... Smiling and being the best Rick that I can be... Lol looking foward to it as well...

I'm Being Stalked...

I'm being stalked... or at least I think I am... I would say this is the first time but a lot of my friends that know me would say that I'm definitely lying about that... so I'm not gonna lie, this is not the first time... in the past year and some change I've seemed to have had a number of various different females that have come at me, in different ways... they have ranged in all shapes, sizes, ages, sexual orientations and gender(that's a topic for another day)... so its been interesting to say the least... I've got stories for days... but back to the stories at hand... yesterday while leaving my job with Ms. Savvy, I'm not spoiled(INS), and INS'bestie, we came up some interesting artifacts that were left on and in my car... there were bout 10 to 15 notebook sheets with various sayings that were left on the car and slid into the car through the sunroof... some of sheets had written on them "I love you", "I love you BEWARE", "BEWARE", "Till death", "I'll die for you" "Till death BEWARE", "I'll die for you BEWARE" and "Were gonna be together"... along with the sheets there was a vase with water and I guess you can say something that looked like a flower... along with 10 marbles lined up together in front of the vase... Ms. Savvy, INS and INS'bestie removed the stuff off the car... while removing the marbles INS discovered that they spelled out something so she put it on the floor to see that they had spelled out "I love you!!" each marble had an individual letter written out on them... so whoever this person is actually took the time out to write out stuff on these sheets of paper and spell out "I love you!!" on each marble... and got a vase to leave water and a flower in it... I must say that this was weird and very random... as to any idea of whom it may be, I have NO CLUE... at first I thought it was some friends of mine but I know they wouldn't go to that length to play a prank on me or would they... but I dunno I know my friends Demjeans and Redeemed have told me to watch my back... but I keep telling them there's no need, but maybe I should take their advice/threats into consideration seeing as this stalker person did tell me to "BEWARE"... oh well I guess I'll jus see how this plays out... could be pretty interesting... I'll keep you posted...

Any suggestions or advice for me?

I Miss You...

Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them last or the amount of time since you've talked... its about that very moment when you're doing something... and you wish, you wish that they were right there with you... I miss you

As a lay there tossing and turning a thought of you comes to mind... I miss you

I dream of moments that could have been going here and doing that... I miss you

I wake up and feel for you presence next to me on the bed a memory of your smell hits me... I miss you

As I get ready for work I remember the mornings spent playing around, kissing and touching... I miss you

Putting out my clothes I think about you picking and choosing what I'd wear... I miss you

Eating breakfast brings about thoughts of what a night we jus had... I miss you

Reading the morning paper brings up discussions about what's going on in the world today... I miss you

A ride to work brings about the days events and what we each had planned... I miss you

As I pass by where I'd drop you off, I envision the goodbyes we share... I miss you

As I get to work and listen to my messages, I'd listen for the sweet sound of your voice... I miss you

While the day pass by random thoughts of you would always come up putting a smile on my face... I miss you

As the day ends I look forward to seeing your face and hearing I love you... I miss you

Opening the door to the house I'd ponder what you were cooking and wearing... I miss you

Eating dinner I glance across the table wishing to see you look at me... I miss you

Watching the game reminds me of the moments we'd cheer and boo... I miss you

Showering alone brings thoughts of those special moments we'd spent making love... I miss you

Heading back to bed leaves me wishing for tomorrow... a day where I again can search for that person... that person I can call my own... that person I can share endless moments with... show and tell them how much I love them... but till then... I miss you...

You Lied To Me...

You lied to me... not once, not twice but over and over again... you had me believe that their was no one for you but me... so I believed you... was anything you ever said to me any where close to the truth... was I led on to believe something that wasn't real... was I pay back for what other guys had done to you... was I jus a rebound that you needed to get over the last guy you dated... you lead me to believe that you were in this for the long haul that you wanted to build a friendship and grow a bond that wouldn't be broken... you allowed me to trust you... to trust the things you said, you came at me on a different tip... so I let my guard down... I allowed you in, faster then anyone else... I should have known, I opened up to quick... I put myself out there... I allowed you into my heart... walls others tried to break down were let down by me with no thought that you'd take a sledge hammer to it... you told me a lot of things that others never said to me... you told me you realized that I was a gem... so I believed you ... you told me you wanted to take things slow and jus let things flow without force... you told me I was your future... you told me that you'd work on building us up together... you told me the past was the past and that you wouldn't hold mine or yours against us... so I believed you... you pleaded with me to let you in, you noticed that I held back and you wanted in... you wanted to know what was in my heart... you wanted to know why I held back so much... why I could be cold and distant at times... you said that the only way you help me overcome my problems with letting ppl in was by letting you in... so I believed... you told me you loved me... you told me you cared for me... you said you had my back... so I believed you... you told me you saw more then jus a present future together... from day one I trust you, I trust everything you said to me... believed your words... believed that they were genuine and that they held truth, I never thought things would have ended how they did... you started believing what others said, but not realizing that they didn't even know me... you started paying me less attention, you started to take things I did for granted, you found petty reasons to argue bout things that weren't serious... my apologies for the things I did wrong were no longer enough... you wanted me to change what was basically me(my sarcasm)... your jealousy grew worse then it had ever been... too many ppl got involved in something that should have been jus you and I... things that I did that you deemed wrong were okay for you to do... I don't know what happened... you jus disappeared on me... you broke down my wall and jus left as soon as they have been broken... you knew you had my wall torn down to pieces... things that you said before began to change course... things fell apart... instead of taking things slow you started to rush things... instead of caring bout us things become mostly about jus you... things fell apart... your words started not to hold water because they didn't add up... I guess your true self came out but it was to late... I was in to deep... I gave of myself everything I could at the time... I swallowed my pride on several occasions jus to rectify certain situations... I took blame on things that I wasn't at fault for... jus to try and make things work... things fell apart.. on several occasions you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me... told me you wanted to fix things... you told me you saw more then jus a present future together... again our last real conversation you restated more lies, that things would get better... that again you were truly in this for the long haul, that you still loved me... that I was gem rough around the edges...  you said this you said that... but to no avail they were all lies... I tried my best to make things work... I tried to give you the attention you had enjoyed before but I kept getting excuses after excuses... I tried to do the little things that most females sought after... I tried my best... I drained myself completely... I started to let myself go... I separated myself from the ppl I loved and everyday things that I was used to... I kept my space... I kept to myself... I gave the outside world a fake version of me so that they couldn't see the pain that was going on inside... I know for a fact that you don't even know how much you took out of me or how much cement I had to use to build back up my original wall... you forced me to build it up higher then it was before... as a result I am afraid of rejection... afraid to open up again... afraid to let someone else in... I question females reasonings for why they have interest in me... it may seem as if I'm blaming you but I'm not I'm blaming myself... I should have known better... I should have paid attention to the signs... to the red flags... I should have taken that step back and taking things slower... I should have taken my time to allow the mask to come off... but I was smitten by beauty... my attraction for you blinded me... I forgot my number one rule at the end of the day... personality over physical attraction... I messed up... I knew better... but I'm human and I fell... hard at that... but its okay... my time will come... I won't settle for second best... I won't be lied to again... I won't allow myself to be sprung by beauty and fraudulent words... I want more substance... I'm patient enough to wait for mine... I've got things of myself that I must fix but I'm willing to accept the fact that God isn't finished with me yet...

The Virus Lives On...

Hola... its been a while since I last blogged figured I'd write something jus to stall some time... like I wrote in the post before last my comp has a virus and I've pretty much deemed it dead... I've tried to fix it but its still there... gave it to someone else to look at and its still there so I guess imma have to take an L on this one and look to getting another laptop so in the mean time I guess I'm going to try and blog off my sidekick and jus email it to my blog... this is going to be a process, I'd much rather type using my comp... its been a long two weeks without my laptop not to mention that I have no tv(cable)... I guess its a good thing that I keep myself occupied with other things and not allow myself to miss the pleasure of being on my comp and watching tv... thank goodness for my job, newspaper and my iPhone(because of facebook and twitter I can get know what's going on with everyone and the world around me)... if I were back in the time of Moses this would be the least of my concerns, man do I wonder how things were so much different then compared to now...

Thank You!...

"If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who u will open your heart to... demand nothing and give all..."

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! A thank you for each girl I've ever had a serious relationship with... I wanna say thank you to each of you for helping me be the person that I am today... thank you for allowing me to be a significant at one point or another... and I'm grateful for having you be a significant part in my life as well... You allowed me to show myself to each one of you in a different way, in a different light... thru my time with each of you I was able to learn from you, the right way to treat a women, I was able to love, I was able to open up and be myself around you without feeling worried that you would look at me differently... you allowed me to be me and grow as an individual... we brought out the best and worse of each other...we grew to be close friends and some even more then that... most of our times spent were good ones, we joked, we laughed, we chilled, we enjoyed each others presence, we connected, we had fun... even through the good times there were shaky times as well, where we argued, we yelled, we cried, we ignored each other but it was all a learning experience... each relationship different in their own right but all a good learning experience... each brought a different personality, each had their own flaws, each were different in their own aspect of life... I cherished each moment shared together, each day that seemed to never end because I was by your side... each day I tried to make you feel even more special then the day before... I thank you for dealing with me and my bullshit, I know I can be difficult and stubborn at times but you put up with me and accepted me for who I was at the time also... we were able to grow together, some longer then others... but each a journey well worth it... I appreciated each one of you... I broke a heart or two, I took one of you for granted, I said some mean things, I was a jerk an asshole at times but I also had my heart broken a few times as well, I was taken for granted and under appreciated... but still cared for each of you... I did the best that I could at that time to show you that I was in this for the long haul, even if the relationship didn't last you knew I treated you right... with each relationship I was able to be a better person for the person that came after... and I thank the person that was before each... I THANK YOU EACH!... you all helped piece together a good man... a man who has few regrets about the past and where we each came from and went to... I'll remember each of you for a different reason... trust and believe I'll use the good and the bad that I learned from each of you to appreciate and love the one that I'll forever call my wife... she too will be grateful for she'll have herself a loving, caring, funny, giving, understanding, hard headed, stubborn, at times a jerk of a man that will always be there for her no matter what!... therefore I thank you, I thank you, I thank you, I thank you and I thank you...


A special thank you to URAQT we had our ups and downs but you held me down... like I told you before no matter where life brings us you'll always have a part of my heart, we went through to much for me to ever forget you!

A special thank you as well to New Roc... for still being one of my closest friends to this day... you already kno!

I Got a Virus...

So my laptop has a virus... this is so crushing to me not sure how I got it but I got it... it sucks because now I gotta figure out a way to get it fixed... it happened so quick; was downloading something page froze right quick... so I tried to exit out of it but it wouldn't let me... so this random virus protect thing pops up and asked me if I wanted to purchase one... I did so thinking it would be in my best interest to do since I never know when I might get one... spent 50 dollars on it.. It worked and did what it was supposed to for about a day or two... but low and behold it was only a tease because that same said virus protection was also something that was a cause of the virus... it so happens that the very same thing happened to my boy and it ended up causing a virus some how... so that's 50 dollars wasted and I'm left sitting with a virus that won't go away and keeps coming up the second I turn on my laptop... I gotta get this fixed... I'm already feeling withdrawal without my laptop its like a part of me... oh well good thing I still have my iPhone...

Rain Rain Go Away...

With the end of June upon us... I'm hoping so does the rainy weather that we have pretty much gotten the whole entire month... this is by far one of the worse June as far as weather goes... jus bout everyday we could expect it to either rain or be cloudy... a few days we were blessed with the presence of the sun but it was always short lived... because right around the corner here came the rain drops... I'm looking forward to July and hoping that it brings more sunshine and less rain drops as we all know the rain and gloomy weather makes one feel real lazy and times you jus wanna stay in bed... kinda makes you wish you had a cuddle buddy to have laying right next to you lol... oh well lets go summer and lets get those bbq's going with some sun and nice weather...

Remember The Times...

R.I.P. Michael Jackson...

A legend is gone... we all grew up to his music and he was a great icon... so many of his songs were favorites... its hard to jus pick jus one... hes one of the few artist that even our own parents didn't have an issue listening to... whenever one of his songs came on it would automatically bring you back... back to your childhood... we knew the words, the dance moves... he had swag before swag became an over used word... wherever he went he was known... he did his thing... like anyone that reaches high stature he was brought down to earth by allegations and weird random acts... but can you blame him for being weird... he couldn't do it all... I believe he was a genius at his craft and he couldn't be good at everything... so he had is flaws...but it didn't matter he was still the king of pop... his music will live on forever and I'm sure we will all be listening to them for years to come... I'm certain his music will live on and that even our kids kids will know who he is... his music was that great... that revolutionary... as we remember him through his music that will def live on... let us remember that life is short we don't know what tomorrow holds... so live each day with a joy and pleasure as if it were your last... only God knows when our time will come... be sure to thank Him for making it through each day, it isn't that were better then the next person but jus blessed to able to go on... be sure to thank Him for waking you up to see another day because others also go to bed not knowing that they'll never get to see day again... enjoy life, love life and laugh it up... but in all things give thanks to the Most High for all that He has done and will continue to do for you!

Where Were YOU...

Where were you when I took my first step...
Where were you when I said my first words...
Where were you when I needed to learn to tie my shoe...
Where were you when I was learning my abc's...
Where were you on my very first day of school...
Where were you when I was scared at night...
Where were you when I had those bad dreams...
Where were you when Mom had to work nights...
Where were you when we had to keep moving from house to house...
Where were you when Mom struggled to pay the bills...
Where were you when she had to get that second job...
Where were you when I lied to her about that thing...
Where were you when she was disciplining me...
Where were you when she needed a hug...
Where were you on her birthday...
Where were you on those Father's day...
Where were you when she jus couldn't go on...
Where were you when she needed someone to talk to me...
Where were you when the other kids ask me for you...
Where were you when I got picked on...
Where were you during those many birthday's...
Where were you during those father son moments...
Where were you when I could shoot a basketball correctly...
Where were you when I needed someone to talk to mom...
Where were you when I struggled with that project...
Where were you when I wanted to learn to ride a bike...
Where were you when I needed your help with homework...
Where were you when I was in high school...
Where were you when I had that crush on that girl...
Where were you when I needed that ride...
Where were you when I got into that fight at school...
Where were you when I got that A...
Where were you when I got suspended...
Where were you when I needed a new pair of kicks...
Where were you on senior night of basketball...
Where were you when I didn't know how to tie a tie...
Where were you on prom night...
Where were you when I graduated high school...
Where were you when I got passed that joint...
Where were you when I needed to learn how to drive...
Where were you when I needed to change a tire...
Where were you when I needed a to buy a car...
Where were you when I had my first date...
Where were you when I got into college...
Where were you when I was moving into my dorm...
Where were you when I wanted to go to that Red Sox game...
Where were you when I first started shaving...
Where were you when I wanted to go to that movie...
Where were you when I got into that accident...
Where were you when I needed some money to pay that late charge...
Where were you when I was choosing my major...
Where were you when I picked up that bad habit...
Where were you when I needed money for books...
Where were you when I barely passed that class...
Where were you when I was being an idiot...
Where were you when I had to retake that class...
Where were you when I graduated College...
Where were you when I was heading into the Real World...
Where were you when I cried for something I couldn't handle...
Where were you when I jus needed a friend...
Where were you when I needed a word of encouragement...
Where were you when I got in trouble...
Where were you when I got pulled over for being Black...
Where were you when I needed to learn bout the birds and the bees...
Where were you when I had my first kiss...
Where were you when my heart got broken...
Where were you when I needed an explanation...
Where were you when I jus couldn't understand why...
Where were you when I was treating that girl like shit...
Where were you when I needed to know what love was...
Where were you when I was being a jerk...
Where were you when I needed that fatherly talk...
Where were you when I needed you opinion on this girl
Where were you when I was confused about where a relationship was going...
Where were you when I needed that hug...
Where were you when I messed up and made a bad decision...
Where were you when I got home late...
Where were you when I was out drinking...
Where were you those nights I couldn't sleep...
Where were you when I moved away...
Where were you when I handled my responsibilities and did well...
Where were you when I struggled with my relationship with God...
Where were you when I felt like church wasn't for me...
Where were you when I got fired from that job...
Where were you when I moved back home...
Where were you when I was frustrated with life...
Where were you when I realized what I wanted to do...
Where were you to say you were proud of me...
Where were you to show me you loved me...
Where were you when I jus needed you... its days like today that really get me thinking about you... seeing other ppl looking forward to Father's day and going out and either doing something with their dads, buying them something, calling them jus to say "I love you" and "Happy Father's day"... I don't blame you nor do I blame God for taking you away those many many years ago... I jus wish I got a chance to know you and realize who you were... I'm grateful that you were able to LOVE and MARRY a wonderful women... who has done her best to deal with me and do what she could and can to guide me and raise me the right way... there are many days that I jus MISS the SHIT out you... miss those moments that I knew we could have spend jus chillen and talking about life... days we could have talked sports and debated who's better Jordan or Kobe... days we could been working on the car together... fixing things up in the house or jus talking about the future and what to expect from life's up's and down's... the struggles that go into making a relationship work but the LOVE that binds you to her... only God knows why such events happen to shape our lives... I'm grateful for those short few months I got to be held by my dad before he got sick and passed the pictures show a man that was really happy(jus wish I had my own mental memory)... a man that was ready to teach his boy everything he knew and then some... I was his pride and joy along with his loving wife who he treated with love and respect... I wonder how much she misses him... I bet its more then I do... because he was her first and only love... how heartbreaking could it have been for to lose her soul mate so soon... how hard it is when her anniversary comes and goes and she remembers that love... how hard it is when the day he passed comes up on the calendar... the memories she must have... the hurt her heart must feel... I wonder how hard it must be when she looks at me and see him... I wonder how hard it is to deal with me when I put her through those long days of head aches and stress... how easier would things have been if he were still alive then and now... but she presses on doing double duty... what a GREAT women she is... I someday hope to find someone like her... who is hard working, caring, loving and jus a good God-fearing women that lives her life accordingly... I can honestly say that she'll be in Heaven for sure... my only hope is that I'm there with her and that the struggles she gone through to put me where I'm at, doesn't go in vain... because of her I am a good man... because of her I will do what I can to make sure that I'm there for her (even when I don't want to)... because she's done far to much for me and I'm grateful for her continually being in my life... where would I be without her I don't even want to imagine... so on this Father's day I wanna say I love you both... thank you Mom for everything... words can't express how much you mean to me... and thank you Dad for being there even when you really weren't... the thought of you drives me each day to be a good man, a good son, a good friend, a good boyfriend, and some day a good HUSBAND and an even greater FATHER!...

I MISS YOU...!

I'm Back...

Sorry I've been MIA... went away for a week or so to NC... it was it was a good trip... I was able to catch up on some much need sleep, ate well and was able to really relax and bug out with the fam... the south is very very different! I truly am a city boy... I need my car, I need and like things to be accessible when I want without having to wait on anyone else or travel far to get it... but nevertheless it was a really good experience...

so I'm back...

The last post for those who have inquired or were wondering was for an ex in a past relationship... the words that were written were straight from MY HEART... its crazy because even reading it now, it shows me that I was really IN DEEP, like in another state of mind... even though it didn't work with me and that person, I'm really looking forward to the next person whomever they may be... because I know I have a lot to offer... even though that person realized and knew I was a good man she chose to go another path and I wish her nothing but the best... because that relationship was a learning experience and I thank her for that... that relationship taught me a lot about myself and how much I was willing to sacrifice for someone else at the expense of myself... I left it all out on the table, there was no doubt, no if's and's or but's she knew exactly how I felt... it wasn't till the end that I finally had to think about myself and my health so I just had to let go and take an L ............................................................umph.................................................................................................. .......................................sigh.................................................................................... JUS MY THOUGHTS...

A Note For You...

When I'm with you I jus want to stop time so that the time we have together doesn't end. I love being around you, when I'm around you I have a sense of happiness, a joy that I feel can't be taken away, when were apart your in my thoughts, I see you when I close my eyes, I see you when I look at other ppl. When I think bout you it brings a smile to my face others see me and think I'm crazy because all they see is a smile on my face but they can't see the the happiness that's in my heart, they can't see the love that I have for you, a love that I want to grow from inside where no one can take it away, I pray that my love continually grows, I ask that God keeps things going right for us, because I can't see myself with anyone else... how deeply sorry am I for the events that I caused to take place where we spent what seemed like years apart, I never want to lose you not even for a second... Near me I want you to stay, I want to be able to look over at you and see your smile I want to be able to see your heart through your eyes... Each day as we build and become closer together, I want our friendship to grow to the point where we can not only finish each others thoughts but sentences, were I can look at you and automatically read whats on your mind, I wanna be your friend, your crush, your boyfriend, your man, your lover, your soul mate, your husband and your equal, your everything... When your happy I want to smile in your happiness, when your sad I wanna be able to sympathize with you, when your hurt I wanna be that help that helps you overcome your pain, when you cry I want to be that shoulder you want to lean on, when things just feel overwhelming I want to be that hand that grabs your hand to kneel and ask God to help you through your trails and tribulations, when our faith is weak I want us to be able to come to each other so that we can reassure ourselves about God's goodness and mercy... when we argue and fight lets not allow it to linger but lets bow our heads and pray that God gives us guidance and understanding to be able to overcome the things that come our way, when you need something don't hesitate to call me just know that I'll be there in any capacity, never doubt my willingness to help you whether it be something simple, finances, a word of encouragement, a kick in the butt, or when you just need that person to get you out of any type of funk, remember there's no good that love won't do, so when I say I got you know that I got you without any hesitation... all I will ever ask in return is to be treated like your equal, for you to always love me for me, for you to see me for Ricardo and no one else, for you to know that we are in this together for the long haul, for you to tell me when I'm doing good, for you to tell me that I'm being dumb or acting stupid, for you to tell me when I'm being to controlling, for you to let me know when I'm acting up and for you to kick me in the butt when I need that butt kicking, for you to trust me, for you to not think that your over using me for anything because that's what I'm here for, for you to be patient and understanding with me, for you to remember that I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes, for you to let me know when I've hurt you or when I've made a mistake, for you to just come out and tell me that I'm wrong, for you to continually pray that God keeps us grounded in His word, for you to tell me there's nothing I can't do and that I will amount to something, to support me in anything positive that I'm doing, for you to know whats mines is yours and whats yours is ours, to be there to encourage me when I'm down, to gas my head when I really suck at something... with this chance at love, I'm going to try my hardest to put your feelings before mine, to listen to everything you say, to continually respect you, because you deserve it, to trust you with my heart and know that you won't shatter it like those others before you, to understand you, to be more sincere, to be there for your needs, to protect you, to always have your back, to be ready to fight those battles were you need a tag team partner, to encourage you, to keep you focused on God, to keep what we have between you, God and I, to be patient, to be calm-tempered, to not jump to conclusions, to include you in my life decisions, to do everything possible to show you there's no other female above you, to always support you, to always take your side when your in the right, but to always let you know when your also in the wrong, to always love you, to always be your friend, to always be that prayer partner that you may need for them tough times, to let you know when someone says something about you and to hit them off with a rebuttal for whatever they said, to someday God willing to walk down the isle with you and start a family... I guess what I'm basically trying to say is that I'm sorry for the bs that I can sometimes put you through... I want you to know that I love and respect you with all my heart and I want to build this friendship and love we have for one another so that no one can ever take it away from us!!! I love you... I want you to smile because your beautiful and I love you!!!... I Love You, for who you were, for who you are and for who you will become...

By C.E.B.M.

You Don't Wanna JUST Be My Friend...

- "Hi my name is Wayne, I saw you from over there and I wanna be your friend".

- "Please you don't wanna JUST be my friend".

Was chillin with my cousin Malo and my Booskie(ugh ugh ... get money(insider)) yesterday and we were talking about a lot of random things; when the topic of cheating emotionally on your partner usually occurs when things aren't going where you want them to... so while in the relationship there is always that time when someone else approaches you without knowing(sometims) that you are going through a hard time in your relationship and they seem to want to be your friend... and we came to conclusion that a person never really wants to be JUST your friend... there is always some underlining factor that makes this person want to be your friend...

From the jump when we see this person its either "do you see him over there he's FINE"... "Damn shawty over then can"... "hmmm look at his dreads"... "Oh my god Becky look at her BUTT(lol)"... there is always always something that draws us to that person initially that makes us have the thought that we want to be their friend... but we all know there is something more behind it...

So the question is can two ppl really just be friends with no hidden agenda?...

I don't really think its possible, in every way you look at it there is ALWAYS a reason why you befriend that person of the opposite sex... even in situations where you are introduced to someone new, there is still a reason why after that first initial meeting/talk that you choose/want to become that persons friend...

We are all drawn to each other through our physical, mental, social, emotional, economical and spiritual stature... so there is always a reason, no matter what we may tell ourselves... we choose who we really want to get close to and be friends with!...

Spell Check Needed...

Does anyone know if "Hooked On Phonics" is still used in schools these day?... Below is a note written by a 21 yr old, college student... I must have read this note three times and at the end of it I was still baffled and left confused as to what I had read... I get where this young lady was going with this but I still wonder if she realizes that her grammar is all effed up... What ever happened to teachers making sure their students left grade school being able to write in complete sentences and using the correct grammar/punctuation marks... I myself know of my short comings when it comes to spelling and grammatical errors at times but this is UNACCEPTABLE... what makes matters worse is that fact our computers, websites we use and even our phones use spell check for us so I can't understand how she wrote this and hopefully reread what she wrote and still felt that this was an acceptable note to publish... without further ado, here is the DEBACLE called...


"Why do people even bother?"

Ok this is going to be a very short note because i'm at work and I need to be at work but one thing really been irking the hell out of me lately... Currently I'm in some trying time... seriously bad time right now and many people have now out the cut have been contacting me because I have been in MIA or they havent seen me in a while... Here it goes... so people most likely ask you how you doing? How life going or whatever way you want to say it... now a person going through times such as mines natually say they are stress or feeling bad... depressed or overwhelmed... and you know what answer they give me! to make me feel better... 90% of black people YES I SAID BLACK PEOPLE answer well you ain't paying no bills, you got no children or no one support so WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AINT NOTHING UUUUUUURRRRRGGGGG!!!!!! Now one! I do know very welll peopel are going through stuff worse then me.... I grew up with that notion watch Lion King and Beauty and The Beast and reading my first book Oliver Twist that stuff can get way worst but look how I ended up... trust I ain't crazy but obviously I needed some help in coping (I can actually admit that for the people who know me) but dammmm ! I can call for my own issue and I don't have to compare it to other to make myself better Two! I don't need a dam child to have fuckin propblems... Children at best should be a blessing not a curse in your life... In the end it was your decision... you had a choice so I made the choice not to have one anytime soon
And lastly to shut this whole thing down! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME HOW IM DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE IF IT AINT OF NO IMPORTANCE TO YOU Please leave iit as good day and don't ask again how I'm doing if you think I ain't going through nothing serious.... KNOWE ME BEFORE YOU JUDGE because if you did that phrase "Your problems ain't serious because you don't have kids WHOP WHOP WHOP" would come out your damn mouth...
Good day :) For everyone else

Still can't understand how she was able to pass through the system with what I just read... like really HOW?... NO IDEA!

Stop S L A C K I N G!

I really need to stop SLACKING on GOD... He's done too much for me, for me not to give Him His due time... I always find myself putting other things before Him, as if those things even equal up to Him... gotta keep reminding myself without Him, I wouldn't be where I'm a right at this moment... I gotta break away from the "Imma start giving Him His time, but let me finish this thing first", mindset that I have going... the devil sure knows how to distract us from GOD... he knows the right things to put in place that will detour us from seeking a better relationship with GOD... but I know this is a must...

Before I can have a sound relationship with someone else... I must establish and keep my relationship with Him... how am I supposed to make time for someone else if I can't even make time for Him... sad part about it is, that He's always got time for me... I must say though I am really grateful for that but this isn't the way its supposed to be... its supposed to be a 2 way relationship of give and take, not the take take take path that I'm currently in... I need to get right with Him... gotta make Him focus numero uno... because again without Him there is no me and I would NOT have made it this far.... so i gotta stop... STOP S L A C K I N G!

Jus My Thoughts... Jus My Thoughts...

Procrastinator might as well be my middle name, I've been put on to blogspot since sometime last yr and ever since then, figured it be something that I could get into but of course in a lot of the things that I do I always wait til the last minute... So I'm finally on here, with some push from Prodigious Moi(prodigiousmoi.blogspot.com) and Leggy(leggylonglegs.blogspot.com) but also from reading Ms. Narcelo(narcolepticeloquence.blogspot.com)... My purpose for being here jus to express my thoughts... I can be very opinionated, sometimes wrong but usually somewhat correct... I'm always thinking about something so why not put my thoughts out there...

Where the name Complicated Educated Black Man came from... jus something I gave myself a few years back when I realized, that I at times would make things difficult for an ex I had been with. Each time she thought she was closer to getting to know me somehow I would bring on a new element, a new side of me that she wasn't used to see... I also believe that Men can be difficult at times to understand, because we do things for the weirdest reasons... we do change up sometimes for no rhyme or reason... we are at times difficult to deal with in a relationship.. we sometimes don't even understand why we ourselves do what we do... so yes we/I am COMPLICATED... The Educated Black Man part speaks for itself...

So sit back and relax and join me as I speak on the various thoughts that run through this brain of mine... most of my thoughts will focus on love, God, relationships, my past, my present, my future and jus random happenings that I come across... your thoughts and opinions are much welcomed, so feel free to agree, disagree, argue and voice your thoughts and questions as well as we enter into the Thoughts of a Complicated Educated Black Man...