We're Being Tested...

"Character is both developed and revealed by tests, and all of life is a test. You are always being tested. God constantly watches your response to people, problems, success, conflict, illness, disappointment, and even the weather! He even watches the simplest actions such as when you open a door for others, when you pick up a piece of trash or when you're polite toward a clerk or waitress".

Read this one time in a book that I was reading and it stuck with me... can you imagine how many different test we are given on a daily basis... how many test we fail and how few of them we pass... yet each day were allowed to go through different test again... sometimes we are even given the same test daily, weekly, jus over and over again and we fail each time... how long would it take for us to finally realize that were being tested, so that we could finally try and pass the test... I know myself, I fail daily... each day is a struggle, but I'm grateful that God gives me another chance... even though I take it for granted I really am grateful and I believe He sees that in my heart that I'm trying and that I'm working at changing things in my life... I know I can't do it on my own but with Him anything is possible... He'll always be there to guide and pick me up when I fall no matter how many times I fall...

Imagine how you/I react to when it rains... how upset or unhappy we are that its raining but God knows why He brings on the rain... we may not understand but He sure does...  think about how quick we were to react towards our parents when they came at us about something and we lashed out at them... I wonder how God feels when He sees us react to them this way... we must remember the devil does not see our thoughts but he feeds off our reactions and feelings so he uses those things against us... when were fighting against ourselves over a temptation or a thought were usually fighting our conscience... we need to try harder to over come the battle with self and start seeing the bigger picture... all we have to do is realize that we aren't in this allow and that we do have someone that can handle it all for us... without giving it as much as a thought, He's already got us... so remember that your being tested... maybe even while your reading this... you jus never know when the next test will be given... so always be ready!

I'm Drained...

Written for your amusement pleasure... Imma be fine jus need to get to the weekend ;-)...

What a week... is it finally over... this has been a long long long week... jus from Saturday I should have guessed it was going to be one of those weeks... Saturday night ended up going to the movies with two friends and an unlikely person... got into with the unlikely one... ended up hurting her feelings... tried to be nice bout it but she was persistent on being in myspace when I asked her to jus back off and let me be... so I had to bring out RICARDO(my asshole side)... she cried and whatnot... but it could have been a lot worse... I was being NICE...  she got more of Rick then of Ricardo...

Sunday was a great day... went to my cousins wedding on the beach... and it was jus beautiful... beautiful couple, beautiful setting, jus simply beautiful... made me wish I was getting married... soon enough lol... came home took at nap and I was messed up for the whole day after that... everything jus seemed out of whack after that... woke up from my nap feeling extremely fatigued and out of it ... had nothing to do because it jus so happened to be the one weekend when everyone decided to do their own thing and forget to include me(it happens)... so I was stuck home with no tv and no laptop... so I started roaming around the house pulling my hair out... so I decided to kill the rest of the night chilling with my cousin and his fam... he saved me from a night of boredom...

Monday I woke up at 7 to bring moms to get her car serviced... place didn't open til 8 but she wanted to be the first person there(not happy bout that)... got back home around 8 went straight to bed... and knocked out till about 1:30... but my ass was still tired so I went right back to sleep to finally wake up 330 and get my butt ready for work... go to work and was not feeling the idea of being there... had to teach my class at 7 and I swear I thought I was gonna pass out... I felt light head, hot, and jus out of it... but I was able to pull through and finish the class(no one noticed that I was half out of it)... went home only to have to go work a few hours after leaving the gym...

Tuesday the day that jus effed me up... didn't fall asleep till 3:30am and I had to be up at 6 but that didn't happen ended up waking up and hr later... had a training that was scheduled for 8:30 all the way in Charlestown... so I got on the road at 7:30 and I wish I never did... because I didn't get there til 9:30 I was stuck in traffic for two damn hrs driving stick shift never the less and tried to call my job to get out of going but they insisted that I go regardless of the time I got there... by the time I got there my back was killing me, I was hungry, tired and had to deal with a nagging headache that I was now dealing with for two days in a row... so thankfully they allowed me into the training(wish they hadn't jus so I can go home n sleep)... throughout the whole training I thought I was gonna bang my forehead on the table for the many times my head kept bobbin up and down like a bobble head doll... teacher called me out once to make sure I was gonna survive... the training was so boring... and pointless seeing that I covered everything they went over in all 4yrs of college and 6mnts of PT certification... so I aced the test they gave at the end and left Charlestown at 4 only to still have to go work from 5 to 9 in Dorchester... so I had the pleasure of spending another back wrenching hour stuck in traffic(did I mention I was driving a stick)...  finally got to work jus in time and I swear those 4hrs felt like 8... the clock would not move... lucky for me a few clients cancelled on me so I didn't have to see to many ppl(would have felt because I wasn't myself)... came home and jus knocked out got up and went to work where I proceeded to knock out again right when I got there...

Wednesday woke up at 7am, got home at 8:30 and knocked out again... didn't wake up till about... I really couldn't tell you the last time I've actually slept this much... went to work again and was in no mood to do bootcamp with my clients but I was able to teach it to their liking... left work at 9 got to my car found some stuff left by a stalker(read the blog below)... went home and jus chilled b4 returning back to work...

Today has been a pleasant rest day... but my eyes are still puffed up... I still have no appetite... all week I've eaten the equivalent of what I would have eating for a day... my appetite jus hasn't been here for some reason... my head hurts and body fills like it doesn't want to do anything... I this point I jus want the week to end... I'm tired... its not often I say it but I'm tired... looking forward to my much needed vacation... 10 days and counting... I can almost see it ;-)

Bet you guys wouldn't know I was drained if I didn't tell you... Come Saturday I'll be back to my usuall self... Smiling and being the best Rick that I can be... Lol looking foward to it as well...

I'm Being Stalked...

I'm being stalked... or at least I think I am... I would say this is the first time but a lot of my friends that know me would say that I'm definitely lying about that... so I'm not gonna lie, this is not the first time... in the past year and some change I've seemed to have had a number of various different females that have come at me, in different ways... they have ranged in all shapes, sizes, ages, sexual orientations and gender(that's a topic for another day)... so its been interesting to say the least... I've got stories for days... but back to the stories at hand... yesterday while leaving my job with Ms. Savvy, I'm not spoiled(INS), and INS'bestie, we came up some interesting artifacts that were left on and in my car... there were bout 10 to 15 notebook sheets with various sayings that were left on the car and slid into the car through the sunroof... some of sheets had written on them "I love you", "I love you BEWARE", "BEWARE", "Till death", "I'll die for you" "Till death BEWARE", "I'll die for you BEWARE" and "Were gonna be together"... along with the sheets there was a vase with water and I guess you can say something that looked like a flower... along with 10 marbles lined up together in front of the vase... Ms. Savvy, INS and INS'bestie removed the stuff off the car... while removing the marbles INS discovered that they spelled out something so she put it on the floor to see that they had spelled out "I love you!!" each marble had an individual letter written out on them... so whoever this person is actually took the time out to write out stuff on these sheets of paper and spell out "I love you!!" on each marble... and got a vase to leave water and a flower in it... I must say that this was weird and very random... as to any idea of whom it may be, I have NO CLUE... at first I thought it was some friends of mine but I know they wouldn't go to that length to play a prank on me or would they... but I dunno I know my friends Demjeans and Redeemed have told me to watch my back... but I keep telling them there's no need, but maybe I should take their advice/threats into consideration seeing as this stalker person did tell me to "BEWARE"... oh well I guess I'll jus see how this plays out... could be pretty interesting... I'll keep you posted...

Any suggestions or advice for me?

I Miss You...

Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them last or the amount of time since you've talked... its about that very moment when you're doing something... and you wish, you wish that they were right there with you... I miss you

As a lay there tossing and turning a thought of you comes to mind... I miss you

I dream of moments that could have been going here and doing that... I miss you

I wake up and feel for you presence next to me on the bed a memory of your smell hits me... I miss you

As I get ready for work I remember the mornings spent playing around, kissing and touching... I miss you

Putting out my clothes I think about you picking and choosing what I'd wear... I miss you

Eating breakfast brings about thoughts of what a night we jus had... I miss you

Reading the morning paper brings up discussions about what's going on in the world today... I miss you

A ride to work brings about the days events and what we each had planned... I miss you

As I pass by where I'd drop you off, I envision the goodbyes we share... I miss you

As I get to work and listen to my messages, I'd listen for the sweet sound of your voice... I miss you

While the day pass by random thoughts of you would always come up putting a smile on my face... I miss you

As the day ends I look forward to seeing your face and hearing I love you... I miss you

Opening the door to the house I'd ponder what you were cooking and wearing... I miss you

Eating dinner I glance across the table wishing to see you look at me... I miss you

Watching the game reminds me of the moments we'd cheer and boo... I miss you

Showering alone brings thoughts of those special moments we'd spent making love... I miss you

Heading back to bed leaves me wishing for tomorrow... a day where I again can search for that person... that person I can call my own... that person I can share endless moments with... show and tell them how much I love them... but till then... I miss you...

You Lied To Me...

You lied to me... not once, not twice but over and over again... you had me believe that their was no one for you but me... so I believed you... was anything you ever said to me any where close to the truth... was I led on to believe something that wasn't real... was I pay back for what other guys had done to you... was I jus a rebound that you needed to get over the last guy you dated... you lead me to believe that you were in this for the long haul that you wanted to build a friendship and grow a bond that wouldn't be broken... you allowed me to trust you... to trust the things you said, you came at me on a different tip... so I let my guard down... I allowed you in, faster then anyone else... I should have known, I opened up to quick... I put myself out there... I allowed you into my heart... walls others tried to break down were let down by me with no thought that you'd take a sledge hammer to it... you told me a lot of things that others never said to me... you told me you realized that I was a gem... so I believed you ... you told me you wanted to take things slow and jus let things flow without force... you told me I was your future... you told me that you'd work on building us up together... you told me the past was the past and that you wouldn't hold mine or yours against us... so I believed you... you pleaded with me to let you in, you noticed that I held back and you wanted in... you wanted to know what was in my heart... you wanted to know why I held back so much... why I could be cold and distant at times... you said that the only way you help me overcome my problems with letting ppl in was by letting you in... so I believed... you told me you loved me... you told me you cared for me... you said you had my back... so I believed you... you told me you saw more then jus a present future together... from day one I trust you, I trust everything you said to me... believed your words... believed that they were genuine and that they held truth, I never thought things would have ended how they did... you started believing what others said, but not realizing that they didn't even know me... you started paying me less attention, you started to take things I did for granted, you found petty reasons to argue bout things that weren't serious... my apologies for the things I did wrong were no longer enough... you wanted me to change what was basically me(my sarcasm)... your jealousy grew worse then it had ever been... too many ppl got involved in something that should have been jus you and I... things that I did that you deemed wrong were okay for you to do... I don't know what happened... you jus disappeared on me... you broke down my wall and jus left as soon as they have been broken... you knew you had my wall torn down to pieces... things that you said before began to change course... things fell apart... instead of taking things slow you started to rush things... instead of caring bout us things become mostly about jus you... things fell apart... your words started not to hold water because they didn't add up... I guess your true self came out but it was to late... I was in to deep... I gave of myself everything I could at the time... I swallowed my pride on several occasions jus to rectify certain situations... I took blame on things that I wasn't at fault for... jus to try and make things work... things fell apart.. on several occasions you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me... told me you wanted to fix things... you told me you saw more then jus a present future together... again our last real conversation you restated more lies, that things would get better... that again you were truly in this for the long haul, that you still loved me... that I was gem rough around the edges...  you said this you said that... but to no avail they were all lies... I tried my best to make things work... I tried to give you the attention you had enjoyed before but I kept getting excuses after excuses... I tried to do the little things that most females sought after... I tried my best... I drained myself completely... I started to let myself go... I separated myself from the ppl I loved and everyday things that I was used to... I kept my space... I kept to myself... I gave the outside world a fake version of me so that they couldn't see the pain that was going on inside... I know for a fact that you don't even know how much you took out of me or how much cement I had to use to build back up my original wall... you forced me to build it up higher then it was before... as a result I am afraid of rejection... afraid to open up again... afraid to let someone else in... I question females reasonings for why they have interest in me... it may seem as if I'm blaming you but I'm not I'm blaming myself... I should have known better... I should have paid attention to the signs... to the red flags... I should have taken that step back and taking things slower... I should have taken my time to allow the mask to come off... but I was smitten by beauty... my attraction for you blinded me... I forgot my number one rule at the end of the day... personality over physical attraction... I messed up... I knew better... but I'm human and I fell... hard at that... but its okay... my time will come... I won't settle for second best... I won't be lied to again... I won't allow myself to be sprung by beauty and fraudulent words... I want more substance... I'm patient enough to wait for mine... I've got things of myself that I must fix but I'm willing to accept the fact that God isn't finished with me yet...

The Virus Lives On...

Hola... its been a while since I last blogged figured I'd write something jus to stall some time... like I wrote in the post before last my comp has a virus and I've pretty much deemed it dead... I've tried to fix it but its still there... gave it to someone else to look at and its still there so I guess imma have to take an L on this one and look to getting another laptop so in the mean time I guess I'm going to try and blog off my sidekick and jus email it to my blog... this is going to be a process, I'd much rather type using my comp... its been a long two weeks without my laptop not to mention that I have no tv(cable)... I guess its a good thing that I keep myself occupied with other things and not allow myself to miss the pleasure of being on my comp and watching tv... thank goodness for my job, newspaper and my iPhone(because of facebook and twitter I can get know what's going on with everyone and the world around me)... if I were back in the time of Moses this would be the least of my concerns, man do I wonder how things were so much different then compared to now...

Thank You!...

"If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who u will open your heart to... demand nothing and give all..."

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! A thank you for each girl I've ever had a serious relationship with... I wanna say thank you to each of you for helping me be the person that I am today... thank you for allowing me to be a significant at one point or another... and I'm grateful for having you be a significant part in my life as well... You allowed me to show myself to each one of you in a different way, in a different light... thru my time with each of you I was able to learn from you, the right way to treat a women, I was able to love, I was able to open up and be myself around you without feeling worried that you would look at me differently... you allowed me to be me and grow as an individual... we brought out the best and worse of each other...we grew to be close friends and some even more then that... most of our times spent were good ones, we joked, we laughed, we chilled, we enjoyed each others presence, we connected, we had fun... even through the good times there were shaky times as well, where we argued, we yelled, we cried, we ignored each other but it was all a learning experience... each relationship different in their own right but all a good learning experience... each brought a different personality, each had their own flaws, each were different in their own aspect of life... I cherished each moment shared together, each day that seemed to never end because I was by your side... each day I tried to make you feel even more special then the day before... I thank you for dealing with me and my bullshit, I know I can be difficult and stubborn at times but you put up with me and accepted me for who I was at the time also... we were able to grow together, some longer then others... but each a journey well worth it... I appreciated each one of you... I broke a heart or two, I took one of you for granted, I said some mean things, I was a jerk an asshole at times but I also had my heart broken a few times as well, I was taken for granted and under appreciated... but still cared for each of you... I did the best that I could at that time to show you that I was in this for the long haul, even if the relationship didn't last you knew I treated you right... with each relationship I was able to be a better person for the person that came after... and I thank the person that was before each... I THANK YOU EACH!... you all helped piece together a good man... a man who has few regrets about the past and where we each came from and went to... I'll remember each of you for a different reason... trust and believe I'll use the good and the bad that I learned from each of you to appreciate and love the one that I'll forever call my wife... she too will be grateful for she'll have herself a loving, caring, funny, giving, understanding, hard headed, stubborn, at times a jerk of a man that will always be there for her no matter what!... therefore I thank you, I thank you, I thank you, I thank you and I thank you...


A special thank you to URAQT we had our ups and downs but you held me down... like I told you before no matter where life brings us you'll always have a part of my heart, we went through to much for me to ever forget you!

A special thank you as well to New Roc... for still being one of my closest friends to this day... you already kno!

I Got a Virus...

So my laptop has a virus... this is so crushing to me not sure how I got it but I got it... it sucks because now I gotta figure out a way to get it fixed... it happened so quick; was downloading something page froze right quick... so I tried to exit out of it but it wouldn't let me... so this random virus protect thing pops up and asked me if I wanted to purchase one... I did so thinking it would be in my best interest to do since I never know when I might get one... spent 50 dollars on it.. It worked and did what it was supposed to for about a day or two... but low and behold it was only a tease because that same said virus protection was also something that was a cause of the virus... it so happens that the very same thing happened to my boy and it ended up causing a virus some how... so that's 50 dollars wasted and I'm left sitting with a virus that won't go away and keeps coming up the second I turn on my laptop... I gotta get this fixed... I'm already feeling withdrawal without my laptop its like a part of me... oh well good thing I still have my iPhone...