Rain Rain Go Away...

With the end of June upon us... I'm hoping so does the rainy weather that we have pretty much gotten the whole entire month... this is by far one of the worse June as far as weather goes... jus bout everyday we could expect it to either rain or be cloudy... a few days we were blessed with the presence of the sun but it was always short lived... because right around the corner here came the rain drops... I'm looking forward to July and hoping that it brings more sunshine and less rain drops as we all know the rain and gloomy weather makes one feel real lazy and times you jus wanna stay in bed... kinda makes you wish you had a cuddle buddy to have laying right next to you lol... oh well lets go summer and lets get those bbq's going with some sun and nice weather...

Remember The Times...

R.I.P. Michael Jackson...

A legend is gone... we all grew up to his music and he was a great icon... so many of his songs were favorites... its hard to jus pick jus one... hes one of the few artist that even our own parents didn't have an issue listening to... whenever one of his songs came on it would automatically bring you back... back to your childhood... we knew the words, the dance moves... he had swag before swag became an over used word... wherever he went he was known... he did his thing... like anyone that reaches high stature he was brought down to earth by allegations and weird random acts... but can you blame him for being weird... he couldn't do it all... I believe he was a genius at his craft and he couldn't be good at everything... so he had is flaws...but it didn't matter he was still the king of pop... his music will live on forever and I'm sure we will all be listening to them for years to come... I'm certain his music will live on and that even our kids kids will know who he is... his music was that great... that revolutionary... as we remember him through his music that will def live on... let us remember that life is short we don't know what tomorrow holds... so live each day with a joy and pleasure as if it were your last... only God knows when our time will come... be sure to thank Him for making it through each day, it isn't that were better then the next person but jus blessed to able to go on... be sure to thank Him for waking you up to see another day because others also go to bed not knowing that they'll never get to see day again... enjoy life, love life and laugh it up... but in all things give thanks to the Most High for all that He has done and will continue to do for you!

Where Were YOU...

Where were you when I took my first step...
Where were you when I said my first words...
Where were you when I needed to learn to tie my shoe...
Where were you when I was learning my abc's...
Where were you on my very first day of school...
Where were you when I was scared at night...
Where were you when I had those bad dreams...
Where were you when Mom had to work nights...
Where were you when we had to keep moving from house to house...
Where were you when Mom struggled to pay the bills...
Where were you when she had to get that second job...
Where were you when I lied to her about that thing...
Where were you when she was disciplining me...
Where were you when she needed a hug...
Where were you on her birthday...
Where were you on those Father's day...
Where were you when she jus couldn't go on...
Where were you when she needed someone to talk to me...
Where were you when the other kids ask me for you...
Where were you when I got picked on...
Where were you during those many birthday's...
Where were you during those father son moments...
Where were you when I could shoot a basketball correctly...
Where were you when I needed someone to talk to mom...
Where were you when I struggled with that project...
Where were you when I wanted to learn to ride a bike...
Where were you when I needed your help with homework...
Where were you when I was in high school...
Where were you when I had that crush on that girl...
Where were you when I needed that ride...
Where were you when I got into that fight at school...
Where were you when I got that A...
Where were you when I got suspended...
Where were you when I needed a new pair of kicks...
Where were you on senior night of basketball...
Where were you when I didn't know how to tie a tie...
Where were you on prom night...
Where were you when I graduated high school...
Where were you when I got passed that joint...
Where were you when I needed to learn how to drive...
Where were you when I needed to change a tire...
Where were you when I needed a to buy a car...
Where were you when I had my first date...
Where were you when I got into college...
Where were you when I was moving into my dorm...
Where were you when I wanted to go to that Red Sox game...
Where were you when I first started shaving...
Where were you when I wanted to go to that movie...
Where were you when I got into that accident...
Where were you when I needed some money to pay that late charge...
Where were you when I was choosing my major...
Where were you when I picked up that bad habit...
Where were you when I needed money for books...
Where were you when I barely passed that class...
Where were you when I was being an idiot...
Where were you when I had to retake that class...
Where were you when I graduated College...
Where were you when I was heading into the Real World...
Where were you when I cried for something I couldn't handle...
Where were you when I jus needed a friend...
Where were you when I needed a word of encouragement...
Where were you when I got in trouble...
Where were you when I got pulled over for being Black...
Where were you when I needed to learn bout the birds and the bees...
Where were you when I had my first kiss...
Where were you when my heart got broken...
Where were you when I needed an explanation...
Where were you when I jus couldn't understand why...
Where were you when I was treating that girl like shit...
Where were you when I needed to know what love was...
Where were you when I was being a jerk...
Where were you when I needed that fatherly talk...
Where were you when I needed you opinion on this girl
Where were you when I was confused about where a relationship was going...
Where were you when I needed that hug...
Where were you when I messed up and made a bad decision...
Where were you when I got home late...
Where were you when I was out drinking...
Where were you those nights I couldn't sleep...
Where were you when I moved away...
Where were you when I handled my responsibilities and did well...
Where were you when I struggled with my relationship with God...
Where were you when I felt like church wasn't for me...
Where were you when I got fired from that job...
Where were you when I moved back home...
Where were you when I was frustrated with life...
Where were you when I realized what I wanted to do...
Where were you to say you were proud of me...
Where were you to show me you loved me...
Where were you when I jus needed you... its days like today that really get me thinking about you... seeing other ppl looking forward to Father's day and going out and either doing something with their dads, buying them something, calling them jus to say "I love you" and "Happy Father's day"... I don't blame you nor do I blame God for taking you away those many many years ago... I jus wish I got a chance to know you and realize who you were... I'm grateful that you were able to LOVE and MARRY a wonderful women... who has done her best to deal with me and do what she could and can to guide me and raise me the right way... there are many days that I jus MISS the SHIT out you... miss those moments that I knew we could have spend jus chillen and talking about life... days we could have talked sports and debated who's better Jordan or Kobe... days we could been working on the car together... fixing things up in the house or jus talking about the future and what to expect from life's up's and down's... the struggles that go into making a relationship work but the LOVE that binds you to her... only God knows why such events happen to shape our lives... I'm grateful for those short few months I got to be held by my dad before he got sick and passed the pictures show a man that was really happy(jus wish I had my own mental memory)... a man that was ready to teach his boy everything he knew and then some... I was his pride and joy along with his loving wife who he treated with love and respect... I wonder how much she misses him... I bet its more then I do... because he was her first and only love... how heartbreaking could it have been for to lose her soul mate so soon... how hard it is when her anniversary comes and goes and she remembers that love... how hard it is when the day he passed comes up on the calendar... the memories she must have... the hurt her heart must feel... I wonder how hard it must be when she looks at me and see him... I wonder how hard it is to deal with me when I put her through those long days of head aches and stress... how easier would things have been if he were still alive then and now... but she presses on doing double duty... what a GREAT women she is... I someday hope to find someone like her... who is hard working, caring, loving and jus a good God-fearing women that lives her life accordingly... I can honestly say that she'll be in Heaven for sure... my only hope is that I'm there with her and that the struggles she gone through to put me where I'm at, doesn't go in vain... because of her I am a good man... because of her I will do what I can to make sure that I'm there for her (even when I don't want to)... because she's done far to much for me and I'm grateful for her continually being in my life... where would I be without her I don't even want to imagine... so on this Father's day I wanna say I love you both... thank you Mom for everything... words can't express how much you mean to me... and thank you Dad for being there even when you really weren't... the thought of you drives me each day to be a good man, a good son, a good friend, a good boyfriend, and some day a good HUSBAND and an even greater FATHER!...

I MISS YOU...!

I'm Back...

Sorry I've been MIA... went away for a week or so to NC... it was it was a good trip... I was able to catch up on some much need sleep, ate well and was able to really relax and bug out with the fam... the south is very very different! I truly am a city boy... I need my car, I need and like things to be accessible when I want without having to wait on anyone else or travel far to get it... but nevertheless it was a really good experience...

so I'm back...

The last post for those who have inquired or were wondering was for an ex in a past relationship... the words that were written were straight from MY HEART... its crazy because even reading it now, it shows me that I was really IN DEEP, like in another state of mind... even though it didn't work with me and that person, I'm really looking forward to the next person whomever they may be... because I know I have a lot to offer... even though that person realized and knew I was a good man she chose to go another path and I wish her nothing but the best... because that relationship was a learning experience and I thank her for that... that relationship taught me a lot about myself and how much I was willing to sacrifice for someone else at the expense of myself... I left it all out on the table, there was no doubt, no if's and's or but's she knew exactly how I felt... it wasn't till the end that I finally had to think about myself and my health so I just had to let go and take an L ............................................................umph.................................................................................................. .......................................sigh.................................................................................... JUS MY THOUGHTS...

A Note For You...

When I'm with you I jus want to stop time so that the time we have together doesn't end. I love being around you, when I'm around you I have a sense of happiness, a joy that I feel can't be taken away, when were apart your in my thoughts, I see you when I close my eyes, I see you when I look at other ppl. When I think bout you it brings a smile to my face others see me and think I'm crazy because all they see is a smile on my face but they can't see the the happiness that's in my heart, they can't see the love that I have for you, a love that I want to grow from inside where no one can take it away, I pray that my love continually grows, I ask that God keeps things going right for us, because I can't see myself with anyone else... how deeply sorry am I for the events that I caused to take place where we spent what seemed like years apart, I never want to lose you not even for a second... Near me I want you to stay, I want to be able to look over at you and see your smile I want to be able to see your heart through your eyes... Each day as we build and become closer together, I want our friendship to grow to the point where we can not only finish each others thoughts but sentences, were I can look at you and automatically read whats on your mind, I wanna be your friend, your crush, your boyfriend, your man, your lover, your soul mate, your husband and your equal, your everything... When your happy I want to smile in your happiness, when your sad I wanna be able to sympathize with you, when your hurt I wanna be that help that helps you overcome your pain, when you cry I want to be that shoulder you want to lean on, when things just feel overwhelming I want to be that hand that grabs your hand to kneel and ask God to help you through your trails and tribulations, when our faith is weak I want us to be able to come to each other so that we can reassure ourselves about God's goodness and mercy... when we argue and fight lets not allow it to linger but lets bow our heads and pray that God gives us guidance and understanding to be able to overcome the things that come our way, when you need something don't hesitate to call me just know that I'll be there in any capacity, never doubt my willingness to help you whether it be something simple, finances, a word of encouragement, a kick in the butt, or when you just need that person to get you out of any type of funk, remember there's no good that love won't do, so when I say I got you know that I got you without any hesitation... all I will ever ask in return is to be treated like your equal, for you to always love me for me, for you to see me for Ricardo and no one else, for you to know that we are in this together for the long haul, for you to tell me when I'm doing good, for you to tell me that I'm being dumb or acting stupid, for you to tell me when I'm being to controlling, for you to let me know when I'm acting up and for you to kick me in the butt when I need that butt kicking, for you to trust me, for you to not think that your over using me for anything because that's what I'm here for, for you to be patient and understanding with me, for you to remember that I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes, for you to let me know when I've hurt you or when I've made a mistake, for you to just come out and tell me that I'm wrong, for you to continually pray that God keeps us grounded in His word, for you to tell me there's nothing I can't do and that I will amount to something, to support me in anything positive that I'm doing, for you to know whats mines is yours and whats yours is ours, to be there to encourage me when I'm down, to gas my head when I really suck at something... with this chance at love, I'm going to try my hardest to put your feelings before mine, to listen to everything you say, to continually respect you, because you deserve it, to trust you with my heart and know that you won't shatter it like those others before you, to understand you, to be more sincere, to be there for your needs, to protect you, to always have your back, to be ready to fight those battles were you need a tag team partner, to encourage you, to keep you focused on God, to keep what we have between you, God and I, to be patient, to be calm-tempered, to not jump to conclusions, to include you in my life decisions, to do everything possible to show you there's no other female above you, to always support you, to always take your side when your in the right, but to always let you know when your also in the wrong, to always love you, to always be your friend, to always be that prayer partner that you may need for them tough times, to let you know when someone says something about you and to hit them off with a rebuttal for whatever they said, to someday God willing to walk down the isle with you and start a family... I guess what I'm basically trying to say is that I'm sorry for the bs that I can sometimes put you through... I want you to know that I love and respect you with all my heart and I want to build this friendship and love we have for one another so that no one can ever take it away from us!!! I love you... I want you to smile because your beautiful and I love you!!!... I Love You, for who you were, for who you are and for who you will become...

By C.E.B.M.

You Don't Wanna JUST Be My Friend...

- "Hi my name is Wayne, I saw you from over there and I wanna be your friend".

- "Please you don't wanna JUST be my friend".

Was chillin with my cousin Malo and my Booskie(ugh ugh ... get money(insider)) yesterday and we were talking about a lot of random things; when the topic of cheating emotionally on your partner usually occurs when things aren't going where you want them to... so while in the relationship there is always that time when someone else approaches you without knowing(sometims) that you are going through a hard time in your relationship and they seem to want to be your friend... and we came to conclusion that a person never really wants to be JUST your friend... there is always some underlining factor that makes this person want to be your friend...

From the jump when we see this person its either "do you see him over there he's FINE"... "Damn shawty over then can"... "hmmm look at his dreads"... "Oh my god Becky look at her BUTT(lol)"... there is always always something that draws us to that person initially that makes us have the thought that we want to be their friend... but we all know there is something more behind it...

So the question is can two ppl really just be friends with no hidden agenda?...

I don't really think its possible, in every way you look at it there is ALWAYS a reason why you befriend that person of the opposite sex... even in situations where you are introduced to someone new, there is still a reason why after that first initial meeting/talk that you choose/want to become that persons friend...

We are all drawn to each other through our physical, mental, social, emotional, economical and spiritual stature... so there is always a reason, no matter what we may tell ourselves... we choose who we really want to get close to and be friends with!...

Spell Check Needed...

Does anyone know if "Hooked On Phonics" is still used in schools these day?... Below is a note written by a 21 yr old, college student... I must have read this note three times and at the end of it I was still baffled and left confused as to what I had read... I get where this young lady was going with this but I still wonder if she realizes that her grammar is all effed up... What ever happened to teachers making sure their students left grade school being able to write in complete sentences and using the correct grammar/punctuation marks... I myself know of my short comings when it comes to spelling and grammatical errors at times but this is UNACCEPTABLE... what makes matters worse is that fact our computers, websites we use and even our phones use spell check for us so I can't understand how she wrote this and hopefully reread what she wrote and still felt that this was an acceptable note to publish... without further ado, here is the DEBACLE called...


"Why do people even bother?"

Ok this is going to be a very short note because i'm at work and I need to be at work but one thing really been irking the hell out of me lately... Currently I'm in some trying time... seriously bad time right now and many people have now out the cut have been contacting me because I have been in MIA or they havent seen me in a while... Here it goes... so people most likely ask you how you doing? How life going or whatever way you want to say it... now a person going through times such as mines natually say they are stress or feeling bad... depressed or overwhelmed... and you know what answer they give me! to make me feel better... 90% of black people YES I SAID BLACK PEOPLE answer well you ain't paying no bills, you got no children or no one support so WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AINT NOTHING UUUUUUURRRRRGGGGG!!!!!! Now one! I do know very welll peopel are going through stuff worse then me.... I grew up with that notion watch Lion King and Beauty and The Beast and reading my first book Oliver Twist that stuff can get way worst but look how I ended up... trust I ain't crazy but obviously I needed some help in coping (I can actually admit that for the people who know me) but dammmm ! I can call for my own issue and I don't have to compare it to other to make myself better Two! I don't need a dam child to have fuckin propblems... Children at best should be a blessing not a curse in your life... In the end it was your decision... you had a choice so I made the choice not to have one anytime soon
And lastly to shut this whole thing down! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME HOW IM DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE IF IT AINT OF NO IMPORTANCE TO YOU Please leave iit as good day and don't ask again how I'm doing if you think I ain't going through nothing serious.... KNOWE ME BEFORE YOU JUDGE because if you did that phrase "Your problems ain't serious because you don't have kids WHOP WHOP WHOP" would come out your damn mouth...
Good day :) For everyone else

Still can't understand how she was able to pass through the system with what I just read... like really HOW?... NO IDEA!

Stop S L A C K I N G!

I really need to stop SLACKING on GOD... He's done too much for me, for me not to give Him His due time... I always find myself putting other things before Him, as if those things even equal up to Him... gotta keep reminding myself without Him, I wouldn't be where I'm a right at this moment... I gotta break away from the "Imma start giving Him His time, but let me finish this thing first", mindset that I have going... the devil sure knows how to distract us from GOD... he knows the right things to put in place that will detour us from seeking a better relationship with GOD... but I know this is a must...

Before I can have a sound relationship with someone else... I must establish and keep my relationship with Him... how am I supposed to make time for someone else if I can't even make time for Him... sad part about it is, that He's always got time for me... I must say though I am really grateful for that but this isn't the way its supposed to be... its supposed to be a 2 way relationship of give and take, not the take take take path that I'm currently in... I need to get right with Him... gotta make Him focus numero uno... because again without Him there is no me and I would NOT have made it this far.... so i gotta stop... STOP S L A C K I N G!

Jus My Thoughts... Jus My Thoughts...

Procrastinator might as well be my middle name, I've been put on to blogspot since sometime last yr and ever since then, figured it be something that I could get into but of course in a lot of the things that I do I always wait til the last minute... So I'm finally on here, with some push from Prodigious Moi(prodigiousmoi.blogspot.com) and Leggy(leggylonglegs.blogspot.com) but also from reading Ms. Narcelo(narcolepticeloquence.blogspot.com)... My purpose for being here jus to express my thoughts... I can be very opinionated, sometimes wrong but usually somewhat correct... I'm always thinking about something so why not put my thoughts out there...

Where the name Complicated Educated Black Man came from... jus something I gave myself a few years back when I realized, that I at times would make things difficult for an ex I had been with. Each time she thought she was closer to getting to know me somehow I would bring on a new element, a new side of me that she wasn't used to see... I also believe that Men can be difficult at times to understand, because we do things for the weirdest reasons... we do change up sometimes for no rhyme or reason... we are at times difficult to deal with in a relationship.. we sometimes don't even understand why we ourselves do what we do... so yes we/I am COMPLICATED... The Educated Black Man part speaks for itself...

So sit back and relax and join me as I speak on the various thoughts that run through this brain of mine... most of my thoughts will focus on love, God, relationships, my past, my present, my future and jus random happenings that I come across... your thoughts and opinions are much welcomed, so feel free to agree, disagree, argue and voice your thoughts and questions as well as we enter into the Thoughts of a Complicated Educated Black Man...