You Lied To Me...

You lied to me... not once, not twice but over and over again... you had me believe that their was no one for you but me... so I believed you... was anything you ever said to me any where close to the truth... was I led on to believe something that wasn't real... was I pay back for what other guys had done to you... was I jus a rebound that you needed to get over the last guy you dated... you lead me to believe that you were in this for the long haul that you wanted to build a friendship and grow a bond that wouldn't be broken... you allowed me to trust you... to trust the things you said, you came at me on a different tip... so I let my guard down... I allowed you in, faster then anyone else... I should have known, I opened up to quick... I put myself out there... I allowed you into my heart... walls others tried to break down were let down by me with no thought that you'd take a sledge hammer to it... you told me a lot of things that others never said to me... you told me you realized that I was a gem... so I believed you ... you told me you wanted to take things slow and jus let things flow without force... you told me I was your future... you told me that you'd work on building us up together... you told me the past was the past and that you wouldn't hold mine or yours against us... so I believed you... you pleaded with me to let you in, you noticed that I held back and you wanted in... you wanted to know what was in my heart... you wanted to know why I held back so much... why I could be cold and distant at times... you said that the only way you help me overcome my problems with letting ppl in was by letting you in... so I believed... you told me you loved me... you told me you cared for me... you said you had my back... so I believed you... you told me you saw more then jus a present future together... from day one I trust you, I trust everything you said to me... believed your words... believed that they were genuine and that they held truth, I never thought things would have ended how they did... you started believing what others said, but not realizing that they didn't even know me... you started paying me less attention, you started to take things I did for granted, you found petty reasons to argue bout things that weren't serious... my apologies for the things I did wrong were no longer enough... you wanted me to change what was basically me(my sarcasm)... your jealousy grew worse then it had ever been... too many ppl got involved in something that should have been jus you and I... things that I did that you deemed wrong were okay for you to do... I don't know what happened... you jus disappeared on me... you broke down my wall and jus left as soon as they have been broken... you knew you had my wall torn down to pieces... things that you said before began to change course... things fell apart... instead of taking things slow you started to rush things... instead of caring bout us things become mostly about jus you... things fell apart... your words started not to hold water because they didn't add up... I guess your true self came out but it was to late... I was in to deep... I gave of myself everything I could at the time... I swallowed my pride on several occasions jus to rectify certain situations... I took blame on things that I wasn't at fault for... jus to try and make things work... things fell apart.. on several occasions you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me... told me you wanted to fix things... you told me you saw more then jus a present future together... again our last real conversation you restated more lies, that things would get better... that again you were truly in this for the long haul, that you still loved me... that I was gem rough around the edges...  you said this you said that... but to no avail they were all lies... I tried my best to make things work... I tried to give you the attention you had enjoyed before but I kept getting excuses after excuses... I tried to do the little things that most females sought after... I tried my best... I drained myself completely... I started to let myself go... I separated myself from the ppl I loved and everyday things that I was used to... I kept my space... I kept to myself... I gave the outside world a fake version of me so that they couldn't see the pain that was going on inside... I know for a fact that you don't even know how much you took out of me or how much cement I had to use to build back up my original wall... you forced me to build it up higher then it was before... as a result I am afraid of rejection... afraid to open up again... afraid to let someone else in... I question females reasonings for why they have interest in me... it may seem as if I'm blaming you but I'm not I'm blaming myself... I should have known better... I should have paid attention to the signs... to the red flags... I should have taken that step back and taking things slower... I should have taken my time to allow the mask to come off... but I was smitten by beauty... my attraction for you blinded me... I forgot my number one rule at the end of the day... personality over physical attraction... I messed up... I knew better... but I'm human and I fell... hard at that... but its okay... my time will come... I won't settle for second best... I won't be lied to again... I won't allow myself to be sprung by beauty and fraudulent words... I want more substance... I'm patient enough to wait for mine... I've got things of myself that I must fix but I'm willing to accept the fact that God isn't finished with me yet...