What's More Important...

What is this world coming to... I wonder how long will it be before God returns... there's so many crazy things going on in the world that I don't see why He has come already... I'm grateful He hasn't come yet, because I know for myself I'm not ready but I need to prepare myself cause I know His return isn't to far...

this year I've read about so many different ppl dying that I one point during this summer it become an expected thing for some celebrity or some public figure to pass away... it was crazy, jus about every other day the news, papers and the tv stations were talking about someone else who passed away, either from a disease or jus having their lives taken away by someone else... but this blog isn't going to go into all that... I'm jus thinking bout what's been going recently with athletes these days and how we as a society view the things they do and get away with...

Earlier this spring we had Donte Stallworth an NFL player who after a night out on the town and after a few drinks runs over and kills a man... is found guilty of driving under the influence and marijuana in his system but is only given 30 days in jail(he only served 24 days of that) and pays the family of the person he killed an X amount of money to settle out of court...

Before that you had Mike Vick who two years ago was found guilty for funding a dog fighting operation in Virginia where many dogs were found dead and ravaged... he ends up spending 18mnths in jail and loses his right to play football for 2yrs...

And finally you have Plaxico Burress who shoots himself in the leg because his gun accidently goes off while he's walking up there stairs(apparently he tripped gun was in his pants he went to grab and somehow pulled on the trigger) and is found guilty of illegal gun possession and given 2years in jail...

After observing these three case it doesn't make sense to me... its as if what Stallworth did was less important then what the other two did... even though he actually took someone else's life... where's the value and importance here... are we as a society say hey its okay of you kill someone as long as you've got money to settle the case then your good... are we saying its okay to run over someone and take a human life but to shoot yourself with an illegal gun is frowned upon... are dogs lives more important then a person's life...

There's so many questions that can be asked about all three situations but its a sad thing to see that our court system is all jacked up... I wonder what would they have down back in Jesus' time... I bet Stallworth gets hung on the cross unless he's got money and can pay off the family as well... I bet Vick continues to fund the dog fighting considering ppl back then would also consider it a sport(seeing has they had human fighting each other and fighting the likes of lions to stay alive in the Coliseums)... and I bet Plaxico is jus looked upon as an idiot for shooting himself with his bow and arrow...

I wonder what God has to say about all this... I'm hoping one day I'll get to ask Him... but I gotta get to working on making sure I'm around to see Him so I can ask...

Taking Care of Mine...

So in the last blog I told you how I officially felt like a dead beat... but I'm making and have already made some amends... while I was in Miami I def hung out with my god-daughter and like I had stated before there were up and down moments but for the most part mostly up... i was able to take her out to eat, chilled at the mall and took her to Chuckie Cheeses... it had been some years since I had last been there... spent a lot of money on her while there and got her some stuff for her to go to school with, some new Jordan's that she really liked and wanted... so I was happy to have been able to put a smile on her face... and I'm making it my thing to visit her as much as I can... I refuse to let another 7 years or even 2 yrs go by without seeing her... so far since I've been back home, I've probably spoken to her more times then i did previously... so imma make sure I take care of mine... being a god-parent isn't a joke its an important job and I'm grateful to have 3 god-kids in such a very short time frame, so imma make sure I take the responsibility for what it is and do my part... because that feeling that I felt that day isn't a feeling I want to experience ever again... imma make sure to take care of mine and you can quote me on that...

I'm A Dead-Beat...

So I've been a bad godfather... to my first godchild... I've been so absent in her life... and I should know better then this... she was the main reason behind my trip to Miami... it was literally 7 years since I last saw her... which was when she was jus few months old and being dedicated at her church I flew down to be there... ever since then I can tell you how many times I've spoken to her... and it sucks that I've really been this absent in her life... the night she was born I was called by my cousin and told that I'd be the godfather but he decided to give me another honor he asked me to name her... right then and there... so I gave her the name Mickayla... a called a few times before to check up on her and see how she was doing... but as a result of failed connections with my fathers family and my pride because they didn't really keep in contact and expected me to always call them... I forgot about her in the process... so earlier this year she decided to take it upon herself and asked her father if she could call me... of course upon seeing my cousins number on my cell phone I decided not to answer because we had fall apart and cause my dude talks a lot... so I didn't want to play catch-up with him at that moment... but she called 3 times and left 3 messages... stating she loved and missed me... and upon hearing each one those voice-mails, it got to me... here I had a goddaughter who doesn't even remember meeting me and who only has a few pictures that show her that I've actually met her and how I looked like... so I made it a point to take this vacation jus to spend sometime with her...  I'm upset with myself for allowing this to happen... I've missed so many birthdays already... so many other events in these short 7 years... so I decided to surprise her I didn't tell her I was coming... the day I flew in I made a point to go see her... her father didn't tell her anything jus told her he was bring home a surprise... as we arrived, she sees me but of course she's got no idea who I am... she asks her dad "who is this" and he replies, "this is your godfather" and I see her jaw drop... she surprised and shock... I don't think she expected to see me ever!... for the whole evening she remains surprised and becomes shy... she doesn't say much to me, she jus looks at me and ask me questions through her dad... he tells her to speak to me directly but she still can't believe I'm actually there in the flesh... during my two week stay we have our ups and downs as far how she reacts to me... some days were good others days jus okay and one bad day were she completely ignored me... nothing I could do or say could get her to come near me or say anything to me... it was on that specific day in which I struggled to get her to speak to me that I realized and saw how it felt to have an absent living father in a child's life... I officially felt like a DEAD-BEAT!...

A Cool Daddy-O...

Cool (adj)- marked by calm self-control(especially in trying circumstances) also fashionable and attractive at the time...

He was born in the mid 1950's... in the beautiful island of Haiti... he was the 2nd born and 1st male son... has grew he became his parents favorite... he was a go getter and was poised to make something of himself... he was a leader and did things at the beat of his own drum... he grew into his own... and was well known and thought of by those around him in all facets of his life... he was a people person ready to carry a conversation with jus about anyone, his personality was cool, he was calm, level-headed and jus laid back... his smile warmed your heart whenever he flashed it... there was jus something bout him that everyone seemed to like... he was always ready and willing to help those in need, didn't even matter who you were he was there to lend a helping hand... he was very fashionable and a site for single females looking to be his main squeeze... he had a way about him that people jus couldn't put their finger one... they could never figure it out, all that was certain was that he was a good dude... a cool dude and they enjoyed being around him... he wasn't the smartest guy but he worked hard and he had a passion about him whenever he put his mind to what it was that he was doing... around his neighborhood he was that dude, that dude that could get you whatever you needed... he loved his family and he loved people all together... whatever he could do for a family member he would do it... didn't matter how old or young, he was there for each... his only nephew looked up to him, copied his every move... his younger brother did like wise... both trying to be who he was... that cool dude that had that natural charism... it was his gift and it came natural to him... sadly his life was cut short(too short if you ask me)... at the young age of 28 he passed away, leaving behind a beautiful wife and a young son... a neighborhood back in his country land to mourn his presence... parents who till this day wonder what could have been if their son had lived passed those 28 years of life... brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces and other family members to wonder how their lives could have been much, much different had he still been around... but only God knows why this cool dude only lived for this short while... and someday I hope to ask Him WHY as well!... till then I too at times wonder jus like everyone else "what if"... but at least they got to experience that coolness and see that charism at work... as I've gotten older I've heard so many wonderful stories about people who came cross him and always hear the same thing each time... how much of a cool, nice and good man he was... how he loved them or what he did for them... how he was a great husband, brother, uncle, and friend... the more stories I hear the more I realized that I have so many of his qualities... his smile, his look, his persona, his charisma, his passion for life, his love for his wife, his love for family and his love and loyalty to friends... I jus wish I can leave such a lasting impression as he has with everyone that was cool with him... its been almost 26 yrs since his passing and yet he's still remembered as if he was still here... his family still cries for him and still wonder what if... when they see me they cry tears of sadness and tears of joy... sadness because of how much I resemble him and how much they remember him... and tears of joy because he still lives on through me... the smile I have they see has his, the charisma he had they see it, they even see the walk he used to have... Its my hope as I continue to learn more about him to carry on his name with pride and joy... and to know that I've got a standard to live up to... I may never reach it but I hope to always embody his love and caring spirit that he had for those around him... he was definitely a cool dude... and I'm proud to say that he was my father! A COOL DADDY-O!...

Exits To Your Right & Left...

I'm on flight from Miami to Boston but of course flying with Delta usually means you're gonna make a stop somewhere... so were gonna make a quick stop to Atlanta... has I'm boarding the flight the flight attendant tells me you're in an exit row... I think to myself ight whatever... exit row jus means I'm closer towards the exit that's it... its not til the attendant goes over the safety instructions and ask my row if we understand that were in a exit row and that if anything were to happen would we be willing to help everyone else get off the plane not jus ourselves... half the row said yea and the rest of didn't say anything at all... another passenger behind us said... I hope they'd help us get off the plane... it was til then that I realized the importance of being in the exit row... you basically have to save your life but also try and save as many other ppl as you can... what a task given the actual survival rate of passengers on plane crashes... but it got me thinking... would I risk my life someone else... would I risk death to ensure that someone else also was kept alive... and my honest is yes, I would risk my life for someone else... wouldn't matter if it was someone I know or a total stranger... I'm not saying I'd take a bullet for a stranger but if they were in harms way I'd actually try and push them out the way or yell to them as tell them to watch out... but for a family member or a friend I'd do it in a heart beat... my reasoning for risking my life someone else, is because I would hope that they to would risk their life for me... but I know there are a lot of selfish ppl out there and they might not do the same for me but its still a risk that I'd take in trying to save them... my question to you is... would you risk your life to save someone else?...

Not My Duty...

So as my previous blog stated I finally met my fathers side of the family when I was 17... but as the years have gone by its still as if I never met them... the first 3 to 4 years we kept it in touch...I called them they called me... they had me walk in one of their weddings, my cousin named me the godfather of his first born... this were ok... not perfect but it was ight... but of course has the years pass people and things change... its now about 9 years since I've met them and things are almost as if I've never met them... If I don't call them they won't call me... I can go months without hearing from them... sometimes years without hearing from quite a few of them... guess it doesn't help that I also haven't been to Miami in 6 years... but I've continued to live my life as if its nothing serious... because I made it this far without them... so why should it bother me if things are as they are.... I'm never asked them for anything nor do I care to... it sucks that I feel this way but it is what it is... I feel if they really want to be involved in my life then they should make the effort to reach out to me... I'm their brother's son... they've missed out on some important things in my life and its okay it happens for some strange reason it took 17 years for them to finally find me... it sucks that I know they could have found me sooner, seeing that my fathers younger brother knew of me and knew that I was left back in Boston... but for some reason still unknown to me, decided he was never going to say anything... when asked he'd never respond to their questions and give them the answers they were seeking... if it had not been for a long time friend of my dad that so happened to have came across them randomly did they finally know of my existence and whereabouts... but it bothers me that this said brother never spoke up... I'm told all the time that if roles were reversed and it had been him who had passed away that my father would have been there for his only son... so my questions is why would he pretend I never existed... was he jealous, was he upset of the circumstances or did he jus not care... these are questions that I will never know the answers to... but in meeting them again  over this time... I've told myself that I'm going to make more of an effort to keep in touch... going make more of an effort to come back to Miami and not allow another 6 or 7 years go by without returning... especially since I've got a goddaughter who has felt the effects of me not really keeping in contact with the family... so I'm going to do my part, hopefully they do theirs and everything works for the best... I'm still learning who they are and their still trying learn and figure me out... its gonna be a process, it won't happen over night but I'm willing to do my part and make an effort... its become important to me... they are my family and I should be willing to embrace them no matter how long it took and no matter if they live some distance away... I wish and hope things become better I'm not asking for the their undivided attention nor am I looking for anything for the years lost... jus looking to know and learn more of who my father was as a person and who his family is...  everything will be ight... God knows why things were and are what they are...

We Finally Meet...

So while I've been down here in Miami most of my thoughts have centered around my family and how things were and have become... So the next few post will focus on jus these thoughts....

As 17yrs went by all I knew was that of my moms side of the family... as far as my fathers side... all I knew was that my father passed away didn't know much about his family at all... all I knew was that he had a younger brother that used to live in Boston... after his death whatever ever happened to that brother was def unknown to me... so all I knew was my moms side of the family... never gave a thought to my fathers side... life was fine as is... no hard feelings not regrets... such is life... so high school graduation has come and gone... I'm college bound...I'm turning 18 in the fall I jus came from a month long trip from France and I waiting for my trip to Florida to finish off the summer before I head to school...  as I'm getting ready for my first ever trip to Miami I get a call a few days before... "hi my name is such and such and I'm the nephew of your deceased husband"... thoughts run through my mind... what, who, where, when, how, why now!... now I don't get it... why now... how'd you find me, when did you know, where were ya'll, who are you, what's going on... imagine going 17 years and never really know that you've got family members on your other side of the family and out of no where they show up... wanting to be part of your life... but even more crazy is the irony in the fact that your days away from going down to the exact area that they reside in... how weird/crazy is that... but through the questions I'm excited but nervous... and questions jus continue to fill my head the whole time before I meet them... how many of them are there, how do they look, is it really them, is this really happening now... and again and again why now!... after so many years why now!... the day comes, I'm picked up by my cousin he gives me a big hug, introduces himself and I see a tear come down his face I'm left standing their jus smiling... he tells me my dad was his favorite uncle and that my dad took him everywhere... was like a father to him!... he brings me to his moms house my aunt my fathers older sister... has I get out of the car I see that people run back inside... and I see a flock of ppl come back out smiles across the board... I'm hugged and touched I'm grab this way and that way... I hear cries continuous cries... I see tears of sadness and tears of joy... I'm left sitting smiling not sure how to really feel... their feelings are much different from mine... I'm left to wonder what's going on in their heads... I can't even imagine... only because the person their crying for I never got a chance to really meet, to really know... deep down I'm happy to meet them... a play with my cousins... most of whom are older or very littler compared to me... but being a kid at heart I play with the little ones... they watch my every move, my interactions and they continue to smile... I felt like the lost son come home after so many years of being lost... they've now found me!...

Hola From Miami...

So I've been on vacation in Miami, for the past ten days... I've been enjoying myself... Got to relax in the heat which I normally hate but this time around down here has been really pleasant to me... Normally my allergies always act up but for the first time I've come down here and I haven't been bothered by them at all... Thnk goodness! But I'm really enjoying my trip, it's always good to relax and not worry bout work or other things that I know will be waiting for me when I get home... But I'll deal with those things when I get back to Boston... For the first time I've also decided that maybe Miami isn't bad and I could actually see myself living here with no qualms... I guess maybe it's because I've been able to go out more and actually drive myself around and see the city for itself... I've got alot of family down here... My moms sister lives here and I'm real close to her and her kids also all of my dads family that I met about 9 years ago are all basically here as well... So I've got to see alot of ppl, including a few of my cousins who are visiting from France who are in the states for the first time ever... It's been fun hanging with them and deciphering what they've been saying considering they don't speak english and I don't speak much if any French lol so it's been fun, buggin out and getting to know them... But my main reason to come down here was to spend some time with my goddaughter who I had not seen since she was a few mnths old she's going to be 8 come the end of this year so it's been about 7 years since I last saw her... Man she's grown... She's smart and doing her thing... I'm very glad I was able to come down and here... This has been a fun, relaxed filled vaca... I don't really wanna go back home but it's a must... Glad I got to enjoy a bit of my summer with some heat and relaxing on the beach... But I do miss my own bed so I can't wait to go back to that lol... Once again hola from Miami... ;-)