I'm A Dead-Beat...

So I've been a bad godfather... to my first godchild... I've been so absent in her life... and I should know better then this... she was the main reason behind my trip to Miami... it was literally 7 years since I last saw her... which was when she was jus few months old and being dedicated at her church I flew down to be there... ever since then I can tell you how many times I've spoken to her... and it sucks that I've really been this absent in her life... the night she was born I was called by my cousin and told that I'd be the godfather but he decided to give me another honor he asked me to name her... right then and there... so I gave her the name Mickayla... a called a few times before to check up on her and see how she was doing... but as a result of failed connections with my fathers family and my pride because they didn't really keep in contact and expected me to always call them... I forgot about her in the process... so earlier this year she decided to take it upon herself and asked her father if she could call me... of course upon seeing my cousins number on my cell phone I decided not to answer because we had fall apart and cause my dude talks a lot... so I didn't want to play catch-up with him at that moment... but she called 3 times and left 3 messages... stating she loved and missed me... and upon hearing each one those voice-mails, it got to me... here I had a goddaughter who doesn't even remember meeting me and who only has a few pictures that show her that I've actually met her and how I looked like... so I made it a point to take this vacation jus to spend sometime with her...  I'm upset with myself for allowing this to happen... I've missed so many birthdays already... so many other events in these short 7 years... so I decided to surprise her I didn't tell her I was coming... the day I flew in I made a point to go see her... her father didn't tell her anything jus told her he was bring home a surprise... as we arrived, she sees me but of course she's got no idea who I am... she asks her dad "who is this" and he replies, "this is your godfather" and I see her jaw drop... she surprised and shock... I don't think she expected to see me ever!... for the whole evening she remains surprised and becomes shy... she doesn't say much to me, she jus looks at me and ask me questions through her dad... he tells her to speak to me directly but she still can't believe I'm actually there in the flesh... during my two week stay we have our ups and downs as far how she reacts to me... some days were good others days jus okay and one bad day were she completely ignored me... nothing I could do or say could get her to come near me or say anything to me... it was on that specific day in which I struggled to get her to speak to me that I realized and saw how it felt to have an absent living father in a child's life... I officially felt like a DEAD-BEAT!...